Big Red
by El Duque
Summary: Naruto's body was destroyed when he was eight years old. Lukily, the unfriendly neighborhood demon gave him a new one. Now, Naruto goes through life as a 500 foot tall fox. Naruto X Multiple Women.
1. Goodbye Fingers

I don't own Naruto or Big Red Gum (not that the title refers to gum of any sort). This is my first fanfiction for the Naruto universe and this idea has been bugging me for a while. I always liked the stories where Naruto takes some of the fox's power but the Kyuubi never really seemed like one to train a mortal or do things gradually. It seems like the fox just wants to be left alone. With that in mind, here's the story.

* * *

He leapt through the large trees as quickly as he could but the bundle in his arms slowed him down. Hattori Shinji, a Rain chuunin, struggled to force air into his lungs as he fled from a group of Konoha ninja on this particularly warm summer night. This is perhaps the fastest he has ever run, his pace driven by fear and adrenaline, but it makes no difference when his pursuers outclass him by such a large margin. Shinji can sense a massive chakra signature approaching him that would overtake him soon. He would have to switch to the contingency plan that was set up for just such a case as this.

He and the rest of the ninja that had taken this mission had been briefed on the way to destroy the thing if worse came to worst. If the Hidden Rain could not have the demon, then those Leaf bastards would not get it back. Apparently, these things are incredibly hard to kill and if you don't do a thorough job, a demon vessel can pull through even what is normally fatal. So, as he entered a clearing, Shinji took the bundle off his shoulder and began preparations for the destruction of an unconscious eight year old blond boy.

As he worked, he remembered how the whole mess started. He was actually the lowest ranked member on the team with three other jounin, only along for support and his mediocre skills as a medic. They had handed him the Kyuubi vessel after it was obvious they were being followed and stayed behind to stall the Leaf ninja. This mission was too important to the village of Rain to worry about one's own life. His village had thought that with the power of a tailed beast, Rain could become one of the greater villages. They had discovered the Kyuubi's imprisonment and its vessels horrible treatment, so they assumed the act of brainwashing the child would be relatively easy. Hell, as long as they didn't actively mistreat the child, he would see how much better Rain was than Konoha. If that didn't work, they had ninja who specialized in psychology who could easily manipulate the young, attention starved child.

Shinji and one jounin had waited outside of the village while the two other jounin snuck into Konohagakure and retrieved the little boy. They wore nothing to identify themselves as Rain ninja so they were safe from political incident. The boy had been drugged quickly after he was nabbed from the otherwise uninhabited park. Everything had been going according to plan until they were somehow noticed. They only found out they had been spotted when they sensed a group of ninja approaching rapidly. By that time they had already made it to the forest. After a brief period of fleeing, they realized it was no use and he was sent on alone with the vessel while the jounin stalled their pursuers.

Apparently, his comrades were unable to stall for long, he thought as he heard the Konoha nins approaching. But they had still given him enough time, for as the Leaf ninja had entered the clearing, he placed the last explosive tag.

* * *

The Sandaime Hokage was enjoying a rather nice blend of tobacco as he sat in his office finishing up the review of several mission reports. He had opened the windows, as the room was positively stifling with them closed, and allowed the breeze as well as the moonlight to flow into the office.

After he finally finished the retched paperwork, Sarutobi decided to check in on his favorite kitsune container. He took out his trusty crystal ball and conjured up Naruto's apartment. Failing to find him there, he searched Ichiraku's ramen stand and then the park where Naruto liked to play. When he couldn't find the boy in the usual places, he began to get worried and used his crystal ball to sweep through the village.

Sarutobi was very disturbed when he finally caught sight of Naruto. This was mainly because he was slung like a sack of potatoes over the shoulder of an unknown ninja who was climbing over the village walls and into the forest.

The Hokage flared his charka and moments later two ANBU appeared in his office. Speaking quickly and in stern voice, Sarutobi addressed one of the animal masked ninjas.

"Gather ANBU team four and then head towards the section of forest by the north wall. I will already be in pursuit of foreign ninjas. Cat, come with me."

With that said, he and the ANBU with the cat mask sped toward the northern forest. They bounded over the wall and through the trees with Sarutobi pulling ahead of the ANBU. He may be old, but he is Hokage for a reason and his worry was driving his strides. After a few minutes of traveling, Sarutobi could sense chakra up ahead. Slowing down slightly, he continued warily through the forest.

After a few more leaps, the Hokage knew he was ensnared in a genjutsu. It was very subtle and quite well done but he wasn't known as the "Professor" for nothing. His eyes narrowed. He did not have time for these games.

Instead of dispelling the illusion of what he knew to be false surroundings, Sarutobi threw a kunai at each of the trees closest to him. One of the weak points of a genjutsu such as this was that the user would place objects over his or her hiding spot so that the target would not accidentally bump into them. Thus, the genjutsu caster was almost always disguised as some inconspicuous object. This is how the unfortunate ninja ended up with a kunai embedded in his forearm.

After the illusion dispelled, due to lack of concentration caused by a pointy object lodged in an arm, the Sandaime saw that the ninja had shielded himself and thus prepared to go in for the kill. As he started toward the man, who had a look of horror on his face as he recognized just who his opponent was, Sarutobi stopped short as an umbrella was launched above him.

'Rain ninja,' Thought the Hokage. He spared a glance at the three, as two revealed themselves, foreign ninja and saw they had no identification to show their allegiance. 'These better be missing nins,' The old man thought angrily as he quickly flashed through seals, 'for Rain's sake.'

After he finished his hand seals, the Hokage quickly thrust his hands toward the umbrella and a harsh wind issued forth causing it and its poisonous needles to be blown away harmlessly. Eyeing the three nins, he notices they seem to realize what their fate would be should they oppose the aging Fire Shadow, but they seem resigned to death.

Sarutobi's eyes widened slightly in realization when he could not sense Naruto's chakra signature in the immediate area. Normally it was not possible to sense a young child's chakra, especially one who had absolutely no training in the shinobi arts, but Naruto was anything but normal. This meant these people no longer had him or the boy was dead. The smell of blood was not present and there was a trail heading further north so he concluded that these men were stalling.

Cat had caught up by now and prepared to engage the enemy. Sarutobi wanted to go on ahead but he was not totally comfortable leaving the lone ANBU to face three unknown ninja. He threw a kunai at the enemy, flashed through seals, and a moment later the kunai had multiplied several times. A few had caught the enemy ninja but no fatal wounds were inflicted. That was not his intention though, as he wanted to even the playing field for his ANBU.

Turning to the masked ninja he asked, "Can you handle these men until reinforcements arrive?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama," the ninja replied.

Sarutobi nodded and took off towards the foreign ninjas' accomplice and hopefully Naruto. One of the nins tried to pursue but the ANBU cut off their path. The Sandaime sped off in pursuit of whoever had Naruto by following the trail left in their wake. He was confident Cat could handle himself as the squad he had requested would be there at any moment. Now his only concern was Naruto.

After some time of high speed travel, the old man knew he was gaining as the trail became easier to follow, showing that the nin's steps became more and more frantic. Finally, he came to the edge of a clearing and caught sight of the ninja. He was kneeling with his back facing him and Sarutobi was wary of a trap of some sort, but this man seemed to be the only one left.

Sarutobi walked into the clearing as the ninja stood, his back still toward him. The Hokage could see that Naruto was behind him and since he could still feel his chakra, he knew the boy was still alive. He would try and take this ninja alive for questioning. His step faltered somewhat when the ninja turned around and Sarutobi caught the deranged look in his eyes. The man smiled cruelly and spoke.

"If we can't have him, than no one can!"

The Sandaime didn't care about questioning the man any more as he turned toward Naruto. The old leader quickly threw a kunai that embedded into the man's skull. He dropped before he could do anything to Naruto, or so he thought.

Sarutobi's relief was short lived and replaced with horror as he finally got an unobstructed view of Naruto. The boy was literally covered in exploding tags. The scene was only made more surreal as the boy stirred. Finally conscious of the outside world, Naruto eyes fell on the Hokage's aged form and a smile lit up his young face.

"Old man!" the boy said excitedly.

The Hokage had enough time to reach his arms toward the boy before the clearing was bathed in fire.

* * *

Naruto just about had it with the constant instances of being knocked unconscious only to wake for a second in an unfamiliar place and then being knocked unconscious once more. To add to his irritation, he was now wet. Finally looking up from the puddle in which he was sitting, Naruto spied some massive gates held shut with a piece of paper.

As he looked at them, the gates seemed to become transparent. This was strange, but what was even stranger was the fact that he himself no longer seemed solid. Before he could think more on this peculiar occurrence, a pair of giant red eyes and two rows of menacing teeth suddenly appeared in front of him.

Naruto did not even manage to shut his eyes before the gaping maw lunged through the faded bars and consumed him whole. As he once more lost consciousness, he heard a malevolent voice that seemed to reverberate within his mind.

"**Do not lose this one, human."**

* * *

Sarutobi managed to sit up from the remains of a tree into which he was flung into at high speed by the concussive blast. He stood up and walked carefully into the clearing as several ANBU landed beside him, having already disposed of the three intruding ninja.

The Hokage ignored them as he looked at the clearing in sorrow.

The ninja from earlier was in two or three major pieces, but was unrecognizable. All that was left of Naruto's body was a finger here or a piece of flesh there.

"Oh, Naruto," Sarutobi sighed as he fell to his knees. A tear trailed down his aging face as he thought about the boy and what he could have done differently for him. He had seen the boy as a surrogate grandson and yet he could not save him, from death or the scorn of his own village. A red glow interrupted his musings. At the epicenter of the blast, a crimson orb hovered a few feet off the ground. 'Great,' Sarutobi thought as he prepared himself for what was to come, 'As if this day could not get any worse.'

The light from the red orb grew in intensity until smoke erupted from it to fill the clearing. Eventually, the cloud of smoke towered over the large trees of the forest. Though all those present could guess what was just unsealed, they all prayed it was not what they assumed. Sadly, their prayers went unanswered.

A nine tailed fox, the color of fresh blood, stood over the forest of Konoha.

* * *

Things that seem unclear will be explained in later chapters. Please review if you've got the time!


	2. Hello Claws

_This story is leaning more towards comedy than I first thought. It should still have a serious side to it, but I'm not upset if it is somewhat funny._

'I'm thinking'

"I'm talking"

"**I'm a giant fox talking"**

* * *

'Damn you, Yondaime!' the Third thought as he stared upon a giant fox for the second time in his life.

Many people have witnessed the aged Hokage staring wistfully at the picture of the Fourth located in his office. These people assumed that he was sad that such a hero's life was cut short in a terrible tragedy. These people were wrong.

No, Sarutobi was just very regretful for not kicking the total living shit out of that blonde bastard while he was still alive. Sarutobi enjoyed retirement. He was old and tired of the Hokage's responsibilities. In fact, he never really wanted the position in the first place. He was tricked by the soggy Second and that wood using son of a bitch known as the First. Women do not throw themselves at the Hokage, as he was led to believe. Instead, they throw paperwork at you. Stacks and stacks of paperwork.

The Fourth was seen as the greatest hero the village had ever produced. Did he do any paperwork? No! By the time he was supposed to be settling into his office, the Kyuubi had attacked. If Sarutobi didn't know better, he would have believed Yondaime sent the fox to Konoha himself, just to get out of the job.

'Well,' Sarutobi thought, 'no more paperwork and maybe I'll finally get some respect when I kill myself fighting this mangy demon.' When he thought of it like that, he was almost looking forward to having his soul ripped out by a vengeful death god. 'And I might finally see the Fourth and kick his ass!'

"Go and retrieve a baby or a small child from the village!" Sarutobi, a smile on his face, barked orders to a particular ANBU, "The rest of use will try and keep it busy!"

The masked ninja shook himself out of his fear induced stupor long enough to nod and was about to take off when the Third's voice reached him again.

"Wait!" Sarutobi yelled, "Try and get a clan head's or a council member's child!"

As the ANBU ran to the village he did not know which to be more afraid of, their doom at the hands—or paws—of the Kyuubi or the Third's maniacal laughter.

'Prepare yourself Yondaime,' the old Hokage thought, 'I'm going to give you the beating of your afterlife!"

* * *

Naruto was not in the best of moods when he opened his eyes once again. He was afraid to do even that as every time he did, something strange and horrible happened. This time was no exception. When he finally did open his eyes, he saw that he was somehow far above the treetops. Naturally, he thought he was falling so he did what most children would do. He screamed.

"**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"**

He started out screaming because he thought he was going to fall to his death. He finished screaming because of the evil roar he heard. Little did Naruto know, but _his_ scream was that evil roar.

Naruto, who was thoroughly freaked out right now, tried to jump to his feet, as he subconsciously realized he was not standing upright at the moment. This worked at first, but foxes are not meant to be bipeds so he eventually tumbled and landed on his side.

Sarutobi and the other ninja, who were slightly confused because the Kyuubi was acting like an idiot, took this opportunity to attack the downed fox with throwing weapons and jutsus.

Naruto was still reeling from the great fall he took when he felt several pin pricks and light burning sensations along his back. It didn't hurt as bad as falling on the hard ground and several pointy trees but it felt like he was getting stung by bees. He rolled onto his stomach and that's when he started to realize something was really weird.

The first clue that something was wrong, other than surviving such a fall, was the fact that he had not landed upon one tree but several. The second major clue was that his arms were very hairy and he had paws instead of hands and claws instead of fingers. The final clue, since Naruto still had not noticed the tails, was the fact that tiny little men were attacking him. 'Wait a minute,' Thought Naruto as he caught a good glimpse of one of the tiny men, 'Is that the old man?'

"**Ojii-san," **Naruto spoke, quite afraid of his own voice, **"What's going on? Why are you hurting me?"**

* * *

The Sandaime was pissed. He was coming down from his 'kill blonde idiot' and 'get back at the council' buzz and this giant demon bastard had to go and use Naruto's memory to strike at his heart. With a snarl, the old Hokage flew through hand seals for a strong fire attack. The fox jerked its to the side but the dragon made of flame still bit into the creatures neck. The fox yelped and looked down at him, even while the ANBU assaulted it with their best jutsus.

"**Why, ojii-san?" **The demon continued to desecrate the memory of innocent boy who he considered a grandson. The boy that endured so much only to be murdered for the burden he carried. The Hokage could not stand this any longer.

"Silence, foul demon!" Shouted the Third at the top of his lungs.

* * *

Naruto's sharp and rabbit reminiscent ears picked up the old man's words. He just froze, even his tails, which up until now had been swaying to some unconscious command. Naruto could not believe it. The old man, his only friend, was just like the other villagers.

He didn't know why they called him a demon or treated him the way they did. Maybe it had something to do with all the weird things that had been happening lately. He didn't remember doing anything to make so many people hate him. Why couldn't anybody tell him what was going on?

A lone tear, the size of a beach ball, fell from what was now more of a muzzle than his face. He had to get away. Naruto stood on all fours, as his legs felt funny and he had a bad result when he tried to stand upright last time. With one last tearful look at the old man, he turned and ran further north.

* * *

Sarutobi couldn't believe it. Had the Kyuubi just cried? It was probably another one of its tricks. But when did the Kyuubi ever have to use any tricks. When the fox attacked eight years ago, it did not even use any illusions as kitsune are said to favor.

Now that he thought about it, he had sensed none of the overwhelming bloodlust or killing intent the fox had displayed in its past attack. As the ANBU cheered for 'driving away' the fox, Sarutobi watched as the demon stumbled, as if drunk, deeper into the forest.

'This better not be a trick,' the Sandaime thought, 'because I am not going to apologize to a demon lord for hurting its feelings.'

"Listen up, everyone," The Hokage gathered the ANBU, "we are going to follow it, but I do not want anyone to attack the fox until I order otherwise." The ANBU looked a little bit afraid to pursue the fox after it had left. One of the masked ninjas asked if they should wait for reinforcements.

"We cannot afford to lose the fox," Sarutobi answered, "but we will wait to engage it until reinforcements and the child for the sealing arrive."

With that, all those present took off after the humongous demon. It was quite the task to keep up with the fox as its steps were so large compared to their own, but eventually they found it at the edge of lake. The fox was staring into the lake and still appeared to be crying.

* * *

After running for a while, Naruto made it to a rather large lake. By now, he had come to the realization that his body did not look even remotely like it normally did. Even still, as he looked at his reflection in the water, which he could see clearly in the moonlight due to his newly enhanced sight, Naruto was quite surprised.

Apparently, he was now some sort of monster. He couldn't tell exactly what animal he was, as the Kyuubi looked more like a fox crossed with a rabbit crossed with the most evil person to ever exist. But for now, he was content with calling himself a dog monster. The reflection Naruto saw in the water was not a majestic animal. It was ugly and evil.

The Kyuubi had the basic body structure of a fox, but it was still a demon in nature. This warped the fox form, especially the face, into a horrible representation of what lied in the demon's heart. It was a sickening visage complete with mangled set of teeth and hateful eyes. The demon's fur was not soft like a real fox, but was sharp and hard like several blades of red metal. All of this combined frightened and sickened Naruto, even more so now that he realized he was this creature.

That was how the Sandaime found the boy turned fox demon, crying and whimpering into the dark waters of the lake.

* * *

After they caught up with the fox, which was quite the task considering its large strides, Sarutobi and the ANBU waited for the rest of the Konoha reinforcements to arrive. When they finally came and a baby was prepared for sealing the demon fox, the Hokage ventured alone towards the gigantic creature.

As he approached, the fox seemed to hear him and turned its massive head toward him. Tears were still in its eyes and even though it still looked downright evil, it also had a sense of melancholy about its features. The Sandaime sighed. It was now or never.

"Are you Naruto or the Kyuubi?" Sarutobi asked.

"**I'm Naruto… or at least I was."** The fox said mournfully.

"Truthfully?" The Hokage ventured further. He trusted this thing about as far as he could throw it, which was not at all. Still, he couldn't figure out why else the demon would be acting like this. It seemed to be fully unsealed, so why would it not attack unless this somehow was Naruto. He still expected this to be a trick and at any moment the Kyuubi would yell 'gotcha!' and eat him in one bite. Nonetheless, this was the first time he had heard of the giant demon speaking so he decided to go along with it. He should be able to meet up with that bastard Yondaime if he died anyway.

"**What's going on ojii-san? And why did you call me that bad name?"** The fox sniffled as it said this.

The old man in question felt horrible if this really was Naruto, but he had to protect the village and so he had to keep control of the situation.

"Naruto, I'm sorry if that is really you, but I can't tell you until some other things happen." The Hokage told the giant boy. "Will you allow yourself to be restrained?" Sarutobi figured that if this really was the Kyuubi, it would never allow its power to be sealed. This was as much a test as it was a precaution.

"**I guess so,"** Naruto spoke in his deep rumbling voice, "**but only if you say you don't hate me."**

Sarutobi sighed. This whole situation was ridiculous, but he supposed he did hurt Naruto's feelings. The boy probably thought his only friend betrayed him.

"Naruto, I am sorry. This whole thing is complicated and I did not think it was you I called a demon."

It was odd to see such a look of hope on the face of the great demon lord. The Hokage was mainly glad that the enthusiastic boy didn't try to glomp him like he normally would. He did not feel like becoming a pancake this night. Without further ado, the Third signaled for the shinobi army waiting in the woods to come forth and begin restraining what he hoped was Naruto with wire and sealing jutsus.

The shinobi thought he was crazy after the Third explained but still warily complied. It was odd to be so close to the fox. It was eerie to watch the massive beast breath and sit calmly. As they set to work, Naruto began to speak, which frightened quite a few of the ninjas.

"**Old man, what animal am I supposed to be now?"**

The Sandaime knew only Naruto could ask such a stupid question. Most of his fears were abated. Now, the main problem he faced was how to smack the ignorant boy upside the head without having to get a ladder first.

* * *

_Please leave lots of reviews to inflate my ego!_


	3. Food for Fox

_I was thinking about changing the rating of this story to 'M' due to sex scenes. If I don't change it, I'll just hint at the sex. Let me know what you think of that idea._

* * *

Sarutobi sighed. It really wasn't Naruto's fault for not knowing about the demon fox that almost destroyed his homeland. The boy hadn't yet attended the academy where he would learn the history of the village and he also had no parents to tell him of such things. He could have learned from the other villagers during a festival that commemorated the defeat of the beast, but it was understandable that the villagers would be afraid to tell him of the demon when they considered the boy to be the fox himself. Although, that apparently wasn't far from the truth now.

When he thinks about Naruto's life, it's a wonder the boy is as advanced as he is. Naruto had lived almost his entire life alone. He could only learn by watching people and with most actively shunning him, it wasn't surprising he was ignorant of many things that most people took for granted as common knowledge. The Hokage would not be surprised at all if the boy was not able to read.

"Naruto, your form is that of a kitsune, a fox demon," Sarutobi explained.

"**Demon?!"** Naruto asked, taken aback.

"Yes, Naruto. Do you of the Kyuubi attack that occurred eight years ago?"

"**Kinda. I heard people talk about the Yondaime saving the village from a nine tailed demon."**

"Tell me, Naruto, have you noticed how many tails you have now?" The Hokage prodded. He then waited patiently while Naruto turned his head and counted the appendages.

"**Nine. Huh… so the Kyuubi was a fox. Wait a minute… I'm the Kyuubi?!" **It was kind of amusing to watch the boy figure it out, but then realization turned to horror. **"So I really am a demon!" **The boy-turned-kitsune exclaimed.

"No, Naruto. You are not the fox. Well… at least you weren't," Sarutobi was quick to explain, but found himself at a loss in this particular situation.

* * *

During the conversation between the Hokage and the giant fox, the army of masked ninjas was attempting to restrain the beast. So far, the only thing that seemed to work was wire or rope. The chakra restriction seals, which were a pain in the ass to draw on fur anyway, could not contain the raw power that the beast possessed. After the third seal literally exploded, that course of action was abandoned.

After the more sophisticated methods of restraint proved futile, the ANBU decided to simply hog tie the monstrous fox. After its legs were bound, they wrapped a large amount of wire around the nine great tails, thus making one giant tail that stuck straight out.

These operations would have been easy if it weren't for the massive size of the fox's body. It required the ANBU to work in large teams and pass the wire in a coordinated effort. Of course, this also required a large amount of wire. When they ran out of ninja wire, they switched to rope.

After the fox's appendages were bound, the ANBU moved onto tying the demon down as best they could. This involved throwing numerous ropes across its body and then binding said ropes to several of the trees in the area. After they were finally done, a blanket of rope covered the fox.

The last precaution they took was to muzzle the fox with the remaining rope. They even wrapped thick steel cable, which they saved specifically for this, around the demon's snout. Naruto still seemed to be able to speak, but his words were now mumbled and slurred.

* * *

"…so the fox had to be sealed into a newborn baby with underdeveloped chakra coils, namely you." Sarutobi was nearing the end of the explanation to how the Kyuubi was sealed into Naruto. Naruto was both relieved and angry at the same time. Relieved that he had not done something horrible to earn the scorn of the villagers and angry because they hated him for something of which he had no control.

"**But why did he choose me?" **Naruto had become more intelligible as the cable around his snout had slightly loosened during their conversation.

"I cannot say, Naruto." The boy was not sure by his tone if he really knew or not. In all honesty, Naruto was starting to think it was because he was an orphan who no one would care about. As if sensing his bitter thoughts, the Sandaime addressed Naruto again.

"Naruto, you need to know that he wanted you to be seen as a hero."

It started out as snickering, but then deep and malicious laughter was heard throughout the darkness of the early morning. The contingent of ANBU that still remained a little ways away from where the Hokage and Naruto were talking began to get nervous. Sarutobi himself was a little disturbed at just how evil the laugh sounded.

"**Demon brat, the hero!"** Naruto finally ended his fit of laughter.

Sarutobi cringed. It seemed that Naruto had heard one of the more popular names that were spoken behind his back and occasionally to his face. "Naruto, I am truly sorry for the way you have been treated. It is unfair. We can talk about that later, but right now we need to know what exactly happened to you and what we can do to fix it."

"**Fine,"** Naruto spoke half heartedly. He then proceeded to tell the old man about the giant mouth and eyes, and what strange words were spoken to him after he was 'eaten'.

Sarutobi pondered on the strange happening and came to the logical conclusion that the fox had somehow given the boy a new body after his was destroyed in the explosion. The Hokage could not; however, figure out why the fox would give Naruto his own body. Was it the only way to continue living or was it some kind of trick? At least Naruto was alive, although now he had to figure out what to do with him.

He had long heard of the folklore that kitsune could shape shift into a human form. That did not change the fact that he didn't know if it was true or how to accomplish such a trick. In the tales he was told, there was something about putting part of their fox magic into a _hoshi no tama_ or star ball. This was usually a jewel of some sort the fox always kept near. In legend, if you were to take the star ball, you could extract a favor from the kitsune. The problem with the Kyuubi was that it was a _bijuu_, one of the nine tailed demons. He had no idea if it was really considered a kitsune. The only answer he could come up with was to somehow talk to the fox inside of Naruto.

"My boy, do you know of meditation?" The fox-boy gave a hesitant nod. "Do you know how to meditate?" The Hokage asked hopefully. Of course, his answer was a negative. He sighed. They were going to have to do this the hard way.

"Naruto, I will have to knock you unconscious. I want you to think of the place with the puddles and nothing else, okay?" When he received a nod, he walked directly in front of the large nose and performed a strong sleep inducing genjutsu. His rotten luck as of late continued and Naruto's large vulpine eyes just stared at him in confusion. The genjutsu had no effect.

Okay, they were going to have to do this the _real_ hard way. The Sandaime slowly climbed onto Naruto's giant muzzle. When he was securely in place by gluing his feet with chakra, he bit his thumb, went through a few hand seals, and slammed his hand down on the red fur. To Naruto's surprise, a large monkey wearing clothes appeared in a puff of smoke.

Naruto wasn't the only one surprised, though. Enma, Sarutobi's summon animal, screamed like a little girl monkey after he stared into Naruto's evil crimson eyes. After he jumped off of Sarutobi and the Hokage finally stopped laughing, Enma was given a short explanation. Then, according to the old man's instructions, the monkey king transformed into a giant adamantine staff.

"Okay Naruto, this will hurt you more than it hurts me." Naruto barely had time to sputter before the Hokage brought the staff down hard onto his massive skull. Everything was silent for a moment until Naruto let out a loud howl.

"**What the hell, old man?"**

"I am sorry, Naruto. That was supposed to knock you out. But no matter, just slip into blissful unconsciousness." Naruto did not like the crazed look in the old man's eyes. What he didn't know was that Sarutobi had superimposed both the Yondaime's face and a stack of paperwork over his large foxy head.

'Take that you yellow haired bastard. You want some more paperwork.' Thought the Hokage as he repeatedly bashed Naruto on the head. The nearby ANBU were now more afraid of their Hokage than some elaborate trick by the Kyuubi.

Needless to say, Naruto's head hurt later, but he was still painfully conscious. Conscious and grumbling about crazy old men who liked to beat people with sticks. By that time, it would not be long before the sunrise and the Hokage decided to move Naruto to someplace more secure than the forest outside Konoha. They did not need a bunch of people freaking out because the Kyuubi was back. There was no doubt that some word had spread back in the village, but he would figure out some way to explain things later. Right now he had to hide a 500 foot fox.

The best place that came to mind was the forest of death. It would usually be suicide for an eight year old to live there, but not when that eight year old is a giant fox. So, the Hokage had the ANBU untie Naruto's legs and the whole troop, fox included, headed slowly and quietly for the forest of death. Several ANBU contributed chakra and concentration for a giant invisibility genjutsu to hide boy's now massive body.

It took about an hour to sneak into the forest of death. The fox's legs were tied together once again and an area genjutsu covered up the giant's presence. This was more than enough as the forest hid most of the fox from outside view, and even then, the part of the fox that was above the tree tops was far enough from civilization that no one would even notice.

Everyone was very tired at that point, so the Hokage had the ANBU take shifts staying awake while the rest went to sleep. The old man himself decided to rest in the forest to make sure no other incidents occurred. Naruto, despite being tied up in an uncomfortable manner, managed to fall asleep rather quickly.

* * *

When the Hokage awoke the next morning, it was to the sight of a huge red fox sprawled out as far as it could while still being tied up. It was disturbing how it could look cute yet evil at the same time. As it inhaled and exhaled in its sleep, the leaves and small limbs of trees in front of its nose swayed to and fro.

Shaking his head, Sarutobi left instructions for the ANBU on site and then headed into the village to do damage control. He eventually left the forest and entered the main thoroughfare of the village. To his immense pleasure, there was no great pandemonium. He was sure that there were rumors flying around but at least there was no hysterical screaming.

First he went to his office, as he knew there would be representation from the council there to summon him. Sure enough, there was. He also noticed his stack of paperwork had increased. So, in a foul mood, he followed the man to the council room. Sarutobi was already upset with them because the baby he ordered the ANBU to retrieve ended up being the daughter of a poor farmer. He wanted a baby from a clan so they wouldn't have to endure the hardships Naruto had to.

The Shiki Fuujin, or dead demon imprisonment seal, did not require an infant, just a child whose chakra coils have not developed and hardened into their final shape. There were definitely children of that requirement in the clans and yet the child he received for the sealing was from a family with no standing in the community.

Finally, Sarutobi arrived in the council room where he was met with the faces of the clan heads and top members of the village. Danzo was also there. He had no idea why Danzo was considered important. The man had just been a thorn in his side since as long as he could remember. What was worse was the fact that his old teammates were Danzo's staunchest supporters. The Hokage had let things go for a long time because of his old teammates, but maybe it was time to cut those ties. They were his advisers and yet they seemed to like Danzo better. Besides, he didn't really like them when he was still in a team with them.

All the chattered died down once he coughed loudly. He then proceeded to tell everyone of the situation. Predictably, a large portion of the council called for Naruto's death. Not only would he never execute Naruto, but he wasn't sure he could kill him.

"He cannot be killed," Spoke the Sandaime, "Which of you will learn the Shiki Fuujin and give up your soul to seal him, because I will not."

That shut them up. Now, all he had to do was wait until Danzo spoke, which would be in about 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…"

"Hokage-sama, we should see this as a great opportunity. Naruto could be turned into the greatest weapon Konoha has ever had." Danzo had a particularly creepy light in his eyes as he finished his passionate speech.

"Danzo, he is a five hundred foot tall fox demon now." The Hokage said dryly, "He already is a weapon."

Danzo scowled as he heard a few snickers. How dare the Hokage make him look like a fool!

"Now that you have been informed of the situation," Sarutobi spoke before anyone else could babble, "I must return to the forest. Homura-san and Koharu-san, a minute of your time please."

As the three former teammates left the council room, Sarutobi did not miss the glance the other two shared with Danzo. So they were all part of some little club now, huh? Well, too bad for them that he was not in a mood to stomach it anymore. Dealing with the headache a nine-tailed fox causes was enough to make even his saintly patience run short.

"My friends," Sarutobi started, "I seem to no longer require your services as my advisors."

"What?!" Both of his now ex-advisors shouted.

"Indeed. Please refrain from entering the council room and other such restricted areas now. I must go, but I'll see you both around." With that, Sarutobi left the slack jawed duo, his mood considerably better, and headed to the forest of death to check on Naruto.

* * *

Naruto awoke feeling rather stiff due to being tied up in an awkward position. He was confused at first but eventually remembered. It saddened him to think about it. When he wasn't normal before, how would people treat him now? He wasn't worried about them hurting him physically, but he did want to be accepted.

He was pretty sure the Hokage still thought of him as 'Naruto', but what about the kids his age. The parents did not let them play with Naruto, but he never gave up hope that someday they would. Now that he was a huge demon they would all just scream and run away. And what about the Ichiraku ramen man and his daughter, Ayame. Besides the Hokage, they were the only ones that were nice to him.

Admittedly, that was the reason he liked ramen so much. He associated it with the kindness he received from the older man and his daughter. Also, he did have a little bit of a crush on Ayame. It was only natural. She was one of the three people who would give him the time of day, she was cute, and she even smelled like ramen. She was a few years older than him, but that didn't deter him one bit. The only way she could be more perfect for him is if she wore large amounts of orange.

He snapped out of his musings when a particularly strong itch assaulted him behind his ear. He couldn't reach it since he was tied up, so he tried to turn his head and rub it against the ground. He didn't take notice of how much he was freaking out the ANBU still stationed there. Naruto was rolling around on the ground, knocking down trees, when the Sandaime returned.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?" Shouted the old man.

"**My ear itches damn it!" **Naruto shouted back.

The Hokage rolled his eyes before shouting, "Hold still." Naruto calmed down and then held still while lying on his back with his legs in the air. Then, Sarutobi walked next to Naruto's head where the ear joined the skull and scratched with both hands.

"**I can't even feel that, old man!"** Naruto whined.

The Hokage frowned, but then pulled out a kunai in each hand. He then proceeded to dig them into the flesh and move them all around. Apparently, this worked as Naruto's legs snapped the bindings. Then, one of his hind legs started kicking the air.

Sarutobi was amused at his actions but disturbed that the bindings did next to nothing. Eventually, Naruto stood up, as his legs were getting stiff, and stretched like a cat. Or in this case, a fox.

The Sandaime was going to speak to Naruto, but all of a sudden, a deep growl filled the air. Sarutobi, fearing that the boy was upset, questioned him.

"What's wrong, Naruto?" he asked.

Naruto looked as sheepish as a fox could and if he wasn't covered in red fur, his blush would have been visible.

"**Uh, that was my stomach,"** He said, **"I'm pretty hungry. You got anything to eat?"**

"Well," the Hokage started, "…Damn."

* * *

Mitarashi Anko was jumping through the trees of the forest of death. It had been four days since the Hokage had declared training area 44 off limits, but this was where she liked to hang out. It was her spot. So, she just jumped the fence and bounded away into the trees. She was never one for 'rules' or 'chain of command'.

As she made her way towards the tower in the center of the forest, she heard a strange noise. Making sure to conceal herself, the snake jounin snuck closer. The sight that greeted her just confused her more. Why were there cows in the forest of death? Not only that, since when do ANBU herd cattle?

This was too strange. She was about to march up to the ANBU and demand to know what the hell they were doing with cows in _her_ forest, but something else happened first.

Now, what Anko didn't know, was that since the Kyuubi was essentially made up of the five elements, it was very close to nature. Being very close to nature, it fit into a forest without even giving off a presence. Also, large trees were in the way of her view and she hadn't bothered to look up. Finally, Naruto was not making any noise or movement in order to keep the cows calm.

So, Anko was rather surprised when, all of a sudden, a giant gaping maw, equipped with huge razor sharp fangs, descended from seemingly nowhere and tore into the defenseless bovine. So surprised, was she, that she did something very unlike herself.

She screamed like a little girl.

* * *

_If you review, you might win a Kewpie doll!_

_P.S. You will not win a Kewpie doll._


	4. Down the Foxhole

_I apologize for the long time it took for me to update this story. I hate it when authors take forever to update but I had to deal with school. I can't promise much better in the future either, so please bear with me._

_On another note, some people asked me what a cupie doll is after the note at the end of the last chapter. It is actually a little porcelain doll that was frequently given away at carnival games. I'm sorry for the stupid reference._

_Lastly, I have not heard any thoughts about whether to upgrade this story to "M" in order to include more freaky stuff. I don't plan on Naruto having a harem, but he will get around._

* * *

It had been about two weeks since Naruto lost his original body. During this time, the Sandaime had been teaching the boy to meditate in order to reach the Kyuubi. The hope was that the demon could tell them how to change the boy into a human form. One, so he could interact normally with everyone, and two, so he would not starve to death.

The Kyuubi was so huge that he needed a large supply of food to sate his hunger. The village could not provide this without succumbing to starvation itself. The Hokage had already brought in quite a few cattle and other animals to the forest. At first, Naruto had been hesitant to eat the animals, but then hunger got the better of him.

* * *

Flashback

Naruto would drink water from a river that ran through the forest of death so that wasn't a problem. They had given the boy-turned-fox some cooked meat and some grain, but this was not enough. Sarutobi decided that he couldn't provide Naruto with a substantial meal except for a few days a week. That being said, he used village funds to buy a herd of cattle.

"**You can't cook them?"** Naruto asked.

"We could," the Sandaime replied, "but it would be a lot of work."

Naruto still looked hesitant. He was by no means a vegetarian, but the cows had such big innocent eyes. This was a ninja village, and killing was the main profession, but he was still a child. He had even hunted and fished for food when he was out of money before, but the other wild animals he had killed were not alive when he had eaten them. It was just meat then. Oh god, the cows were even looking at him now!

He noticed that the old man was backing away so he called out to him.

"**Where are you going, old man?"**

"I'm going out of the range of the blood spatter," The Hokage replied. "Plus, I don't really want to see the carnage up close."

"**You suck, old man!"**

The Sandaime snickered and kept backing up. The ANBU that had brought the cattle to the forest of death did not seem that pleased to be left so close now that their leader was backing away. He stared and at the cows for awhile. He would do this quickly so they didn't suffer. Was he supposed to eat them whole? Oh well, he was really hungry. He closed his eyes and offered a silent apology to the cows for eating them alive. With that, his eyes flung open and he swooped down on his prey. He got quite a few cattle with one bite and lifted them in the air where he chomped down on them quickly.

Then he heard the scream.

Naruto was startled enough to open his mouth and swing his head to where he heard the noise. He noticed that the cows were slipping out so he shut his mouth, but not before a large amount of blood was flung out from the force of his head turning.

The result was a very bloody, very freaked out kunoichi.

End Flashback

* * *

Once Anko was told the situation, she made everyone present swear to never tell anyone about her scream. The penalty, she told them, was death by choking on your own nuts. She told Naruto that she would use a ladder if she had to. The men, the fox, and even some local wildlife that Naruto hadn't yet eaten, all took a moment to cower together.

After that incident, Anko showed up in the forest of death almost every day. She would keep Naruto company since the ANBU that guarded him gave little conversation. Having endured a similar situation of loneliness and general scorn by the village, Anko could guess how the boy's childhood had affected him. While she knew he was being mistreated, she really wasn't the caring type, so she didn't help him. She didn't feel bad about not being there for him, as she was still pretty young and dealing her own problems, but since he was in her forest now, it wasn't too much trouble to help him out.

So, this is how Mitarashi Anko ended up reading various books to a giant demon fox in the forest of death. The boy could barely read, so not only did this activity keep both of them from dying of boredom, it also taught him kanji. The boy-turned-kitsune learned alarmingly quickly, which was necessary considering how little patience Anko possessed. The books that the snake summoning kunoichi chose to read were not always meant for little boys, but she reasoned that with Naruto being a giant demon fox, the usual social customs did not apply. In any case, Anko didn't follow what most people thought was normal behavior anyway, so even if this foxy change had never happened to him, she wouldn't care. If he wants to be read to, he damn well better not complain about her choices in literature.

Naruto, in fact, did not complain. Not just for the fact that Anko seemed to be able to scare a 500 foot tall demon fox, but also because Icha Icha Paradise was really interesting. Naruto had heard of and even seen some things like what was written in the smutty orange book, but he never could figure out what was so great about it. Now, probably due to having a fully developed, albeit foxy, body, he was starting to appreciate the opposite sex.

Naruto was even having strange fantasies about mounting Anko. He did his best to crush these thoughts down for three reasons: He was still slightly confused, he didn't want to crush Anko's comparatively small body, and he didn't doubt that Anko could succeed where the Yondaime and everybody failed and kill the shit out of him.

Sometimes, Anko would not go back to her apartment at night. On nights such as these, she would sleep on top of the giant fox. Even though his fur was hard and almost sharp, Anko would slip her lithe body between the massive hairs and fall asleep against his warm skin. Naruto loves it when she stays with him. Although he can barely feel her tiny body, it feels unimaginably good to know there is someone with him during the night. It's ironic that he had to become a hideous monster in order to have someone lay with him. His biggest regret is that he cannot hold her, for his giant claws would tear her apart.

Anko also helped with his meditation. She and the Sandaime would try and get Naruto to breathe correctly and concentrate. When he would drift off, Anko would kick him as hard as she could, right between his eyes. Sarutobi even tried asking Naruto _koan_, or irrational questions meant to center concentration during meditation. It was amusing and yet disturbing to see a giant red fox try to clap with one paw.

After quite a few frustrating meditation sessions, Naruto finally found himself in a large sewer system. He noticed right away that he was no longer a huge fox, but a once again a little boy in orange. God, he missed orange. Anyway, he also noticed that he had kept the tails even in his mindscape. He didn't really mind this, as having tails was extremely fun. It was like having nine additional arms, even if he could not really control them well. One of his favorite things to do in the forest was to try and move the tails to his will. It was slow going, comparable to learning how to walk, but it was coming along nonetheless.

Snapping out of his musings, he set off through the shallow, murky water and went looking for the Kyuubi. After traveling a ways down the dark corridors of his mind, he found a huge room with a ceiling so high, he could not see it. At one end of this room, there was a large gate with bars larger in diameter than his abdomen. Holding this gate shut was a simple piece of paper with the word "seal" written upon it. Squinting through the bars, Naruto could make out the astral form of the demon fox. It currently looked to be sleeping, with its transparent tails wrapped around its equally transparent body.

Naruto would have just screeched for the Kyuubi to wake the hell up, but the Hokage had smacked him with his monkey pole (AN-That sounds very dirty) and told him not to piss the Kyuubi off when they needed his cooperation. So, Naruto walked up slowly to the gates and spoke rather softly.

"Excuse me, Kyuubi…-san," he was not used to using honorifics, "Kyuubi-san please wake up." The great fox didn't even twitch. "Um, hey, wake up." The fox stirred slightly when Naruto spoke a little louder. Gathering his breath, Naruto shouted, "Kyuubi-san! Wake-"

That was as far as the boy got before the demon slammed up against the bars, snarling and clawing viciously. Naruto was shocked, not only by the power and evil ki the fox emitted, but by the ferocity of the Kyuubi's attack. The fox continued to attack the gate for a full minute with everything it had. To the boy, this seemed like the apocalypse was occurring right in front of him and being restrained by a piece of paper.

After the fox stopped, it remained there, panting from the exertion of its attack. Naruto didn't really understand what happened. The Kyuubi went from sleeping to psychotic natural disaster before he could even blink. Now it was staring at him with so much hate, it could cause a heart attack.

"**Why have you awoken me!?" **The fox screamed at Naruto, its fangs seemed to drip blood, which on contact with the floor, burst into flame.

"Kyuubi-san," Naruto was scared shitless but he still refused to use anything more respectful than "san". Although he himself now had this very body, the Kyuubi could pull off the whole evil incarnate thing way better than he could. Also, he still needed information from the fox so he had to somehow placate it. "I'm sorry, Kyuubi-san, but-"

"**I have given you a new body of immense power, what possible reason could you have to disturb me now? Speak, whelp, I hope you have not managed to destroy this one as well!"**

"There's nothing wrong and thanks for helping me before, but I still have some problems."

"**Problems? Boy, these better be problems of life and death to keep me from my slumber!"**

Thinking quickly, Naruto answered, "They are, Kyuubi-san. I might starve to death if I don't find a way to change my size. The Hokage told me that kitsune were able to shape shift."

"**Mmm… That is acceptable."** The Kyuubi told him as it settled down and rested its head on its paws in front of the gate.

Naruto was surprised by the complete turn around in attitude that the Kyuubi underwent. "What the hell was that?" Naruto had lost the polite act with all the strangeness of the situation.

"**What was what?" **The Kyuubi yawned.

"The whole blowing up in rage thing!" Naruto yelled.

"**There is one thing that arouses my ire more than any other. That is being awoken." **The Kyuubi said seriously. **"Why do you think I attacked your village?"**

"Bu… Huh?" Naruto sputtered.

"**Yes, you saw how angry I get upon being awoken. I attacked your village because one of your shinobi woke me up rather rudely."**

* * *

Flashback (Approximately eight years earlier)

Kyuubi, currently the size of a normal fox, lay resting under a tree in a sunny clearing outside of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Suddenly, a commotion approaches in the form of a young man with black hair.

"Yosh! And if I cannot run through the forest on my hands, I will kill a homeless person with a hammer… I mean, I will do five hundred one legged squats!"

The Kyuubi stirred slightly, but remained asleep. The "youthful" young man paused in his self task as he took note of the red fox. Such began the greatest disaster to ever befall the Leaf.

"Yosh! A youthful kitsune! I have heard tales of their swiftness and cunning. I shall awaken him and challenge him to a race through the forest!" He approached the sleeping nine-tailed fox with a small twig. "Excuse me, kitsune-san! I was wo-"

That was as far as teenager got. As soon as he poked the Kyuubi, it erupted in violence and power. As it abruptly expanded to its true size, the youth was knocked unconscious and flung several hundred feet away by the explosion of youkai.

The shinobi in the village saw the huge fox and mounted a defense to its assumed rampage. The rest, as they say, is history. The man who woke up the Kyuubi would later be found among the dead and injured with no memory of the previous two weeks.

End Flashback

* * *

"You killed all those people, just because someone woke you up?!" Naruto was about ready to bash his head into the floor.

"**Well,"** The Kyuubi yawned, **"Sloth is my sin but I am still a demon."**

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked.

"**I was once just a normal nine-tailed kitsune before I was chosen to be a Bijou. I was, in fact, the laziest kitsune."**

"Wait," Naruto interrupted, "Isn't the quick brown fox supposed to jump over the lazy dog?"

"**I'm a red fox, and don't interrupt me. Anyway, I was so lazy; I was chosen to become the Bijou that corresponded to the sin of sloth. Every one of the tailed beasts represented one of the nine major sins. The one-tailed tanuki represents wrath. The two-tailed cat represents lust. Blah Blah Blah. Let us speak on the matter of your size."**

"Uhh… Yeah, the old man said something about a star ball and kitsune magic."

**"Yes, the hoshi no tama is what kitsune use to store a portion of their power in order to shape shift. It is usually a small ball or jewel but I am no ordinary kitsune. My whole body is a hoshi no tama!"**

"I don't understand."

"**Allow me to show you. Even though you have my body and are currently looking at only my soul, its appearance is a representation of how I viewed myself. The same goes for your body here in this mindscape. You have grown used to having tails, but still see your body as that of a human. Now, watch closely."**

The sharp red hair of the Kyuubi seemed to shrink into nothingness. On the bald skin of the fox, intricate tattoos or seals could be seen.

**"These seals run across my entire being. They are my hoshi no tama. It acts a dimensional storage for my power and body when I wish to change into a smaller form. I can change into a human form because I know what it looks like and I have enough body to form into a human shape."**

"But how do you change into a human?" Naruto asked.

"**You now possess my actual body. That is why you are smart enough to actually converse with me and understand the concepts you are hearing, for it is above the capacity of one of so young an age. But make no mistake, even though you possess the thinking power of an ancient kitsune, you do not have the knowledge. You are now a kitsune in body and mind, but you only possess the memories and knowledge of a human boy. Since you have my body, you can shape shift exactly in the same manner as me. You should be able to transform into your human self rather easily since you know what it "feels" like. To do this, concentrate on the form your old body and, collapse in on yourself. Since you are your own hoshi no tama, you must stuff yourself inside yourself."**

Strangely, this made sense to Naruto. He guessed it was because he was thinking with the demon's brain. He was about to leave when he remembered some of the stories about kitsune that the old Hokage had told him.

"What can you tell me about kitsune magic?" Said the fox-boy as his tails wagged slyly.

* * *

The Hokage and Anko had been waiting patiently for about an hour after Naruto fell into a trance. They hoped that the boy could get what information they needed from the demon without a major altercation. Suddenly, Naruto shook himself out of his stupor and grinned.

"**I know what to do, old man. I just gotta imagine my old body while stuffin' myself into myself."**

"I don't really know what you mean by the last part, Naruto, but go ahead and try," said the Sandaime. Anko had some interesting ideas on stuffing oneself inside of oneself, but she kept those thoughts quiet.

"**Here goes!"** Announced Naruto and he began to concentrate. After a few moments, a bluish-green ethereal flame surrounded the giant fox and it began to shrink. Slowly, it began to take a human form.

When the transformation was complete, Naruto stood in all of his naked human glory. However, he didn't look exactly like he did before. If one was to describe him, it would be as if the Yondaime took steroids and drew whiskers on his face.

"Is that really how you see yourself, Naruto-kun?" the Sandaime asked looking at the huge muscular man.

"Hehehe…" Naruto laughed nervously. He may have a little bit of an ego.

"You're a little bit shorter than that, boy," The Hokage sighed.

"Oh, okay," Naruto relented and shrunk until he looked relatively like his old self.

"Mou, I like the first body better!" Anko pouted while walking around the Naruto. She grabbed him playfully on his naked butt and only then did the boy realize he was without clothes.

"Eep!" the blonde exclaimed as he grabbed the Hokage's pointy hat and held it over his privates.

The Hokage sighed happily as the boy blushed and Anko laughed. He was glad he didn't have to buy anymore cows.

* * *

_Review and don't forget to tell me what you think the maturity rating of this story should be. It will effect how much crazy sex there is in the future. Will a higher rating decrease the number of readers?_


	5. Saltwater Fox

_I'm so sorry that I have taken so long to update this story. The end of the semester was really hectic for me and after that, I was visiting family. Still, that is no excuse and I'll try to update sooner._

_As for the issue of upping the rating and adding future sex scenes, the answer is yes. There will be lots of crazy, fantastic, and improbable sex. I'll keep the rating at "T" until such scenes arise in order to draw in more innocents. –Insert evil laughter here!-_

_Naruto will be making sweet foxy love to just about every woman in the series, but he will only end up with one in the end. I don't really see a harem working in this story as Naruto will fall in love with one woman. He'll still get his freak on with multiple girls; they'll just be free to do the same. No double standard. Lots of sex for everyone!_

* * *

The Sandaime sat cross-legged as he exhaled a large breath of smoke. He then held his pipe upside down with his right hand and rapped the underside with the heel of his left hand. The spent load of tobacco fell from the bowl of the pipe and was scattered in the wind. Satisfying himself that no great amount of ashes remained to dirty his pocket, the elder Hokage gently tucked his pipe inside his robes.

Now that the smoke no longer dominated his sense of smell, the aroma of the salty ocean breeze invaded Sarutobi's nostrils. He let a smile come across his face as he gazed out onto the horizon where the water met the endless blue sky. Standing up and stretching, he continued to admire the view, a view made even more magnificent due to being several hundred feet in the air. Walking down from his perch atop of Naruto's gigantic head and onto the snout of the snout, the Hokage turned to look into the boy's eyes, which could not focus on him without crossing since the old man was so close. Even though the eyes were enormous and not of his species, Sarutobi could easily see the amazement shining in those red orbs.

"Breathtaking, isn't it, my boy?" The Sandaime stated more than asked. This was Naruto's first time seeing the ocean and the boy couldn't help but be awestricken. Even if he was now over five hundred feet tall and even longer in length, the body of the Ninetails was still tiny compared to something so vast.

Naruto didn't respond at first, the only sound being the crashing of the waves upon the shore. Eventually, he inhaled a huge breath of the coastal air, closing his eyes as he memorized the scent. Finally, he spoke to the old man on his snout.

"**This is so awesome!" **He then got a mischievous glint in his eyes.** "Hold on, old man!"**

Sarutobi's eyes widened when he guessed what Naruto meant to do. He almost fell off when the giant fox sped forward and took a running leap, clearing the beach completely, as he had jumped before the break of the tree line, and rocketed toward the water.

Luckily for the Hokage, Naruto had underestimated just how large he was and the fox ended up just standing on the ocean floor with the water coming up to his knees. This was impressive as they were several hundred yards from the shore thanks to Naruto's humongous leap.

"Stupid boy," Sarutobi admonished, "if you would have dove under, the force probably would have crushed my old bones!"

Naruto looked about as sheepish as he could get, which was not that much considering he was a fox. "Sorry, old man. I'm gonna to go out deeper and try to swim, so get off if you don't want to get wet."

The old man obliged and jumped off Naruto's now lowered snout. He landed upon the water, staying atop the surface with chakra, and headed back to shore. Once he reached the beach, he sat down and watched Naruto play in the water. The fox-boy had run farther out into the ocean in search of deeper water. He was rolling around and splashing in the water; just generally behaving like kid. It had been a year and half since Naruto acquired the body of the fox demon and Sarutobi had taken the boy on a trip to the coast. Not only did Naruto get to experience the ocean, but he could be in his full form without causing panic and mayhem, as this area was rather devoid of people.

The only place that Naruto could freely practice moving around in his full fox form was in an unpopulated area. Even though they could journey outside of the Fire Country where there would be no irrational fear of foxes, he would still be recognized as one of the tailed beasts. Sarutobi recognized that news about Naruto would eventually get out, but he did not want the other nations or hidden villages to know of Naruto's situation just quite yet. The strongest of the Bijou was one hell of a trump card.

As the aged Fire Shadow sat there on the cool sand, his thoughts drifted to the past year and a half. He remembered when Naruto first learned to shape shift into a human form.

* * *

Flashback

Anko and the Hokage finished laughing at the naked and embarrassed boy in a clearing in the Forest of Death. As Sarutobi gave Naruto his robe to cover himself he noticed something peculiar. The boy's appearance seemed to be that of his original form, but on closer inspection, there were some discrepancies. Naruto skin was all one color, unlike real skin which had varying shades. The same with his hair, it was just yellow. There were no natural highlights, making it look like it was dyed. Another thing that stood out was the fact that Naruto's musculature was rather undefined, not that he expected him to appear buff or even fit, it was just unnatural to not possess a the contours that a human body should have. Finally, he noticed that there were no blemishes or even hairs, except for the top of the boy's head, anywhere his body. All in all, he looked like a living doll, a fairly common beginner's mistake when using the Henge no Jutsu.

"Naruto," The Sandaime began, gaining the attention of both Naruto and Anko, "I am happy that you have been able to transform into your original body, but we are going to have to work on your skill slightly. I am able to tell by looking at you that you are concealing your true appearance. This is something students often work on at the ninja academy, including as much detail as possible with a transformation."

"Huh? Oh, I getcha'. I actually didn't expect the Hoshi no Tama or the Kitsune Illusion to work on the first try. But hey, one out of two ain't bad for just startin' out!"

"What are you talking about, Naruto?" Anko asked the question the Hokage was thinking.

"When I shrunk was actually something different then changing to look like the old me," Naruto's explanation was rather lacking, but he got the hint to continue when the Hokage and Anko just stared at him with dull expressions on their faces. "When I changed sizes, I used the Hoshi no Tama thing. I also tried to use a Kitsune Illusion but I guess it wasn't very convincing." After he said this he released the illusion on his body. He was briefly consumed once again by the ethereal flames before they dissipated to reveal his actual appearance.

The first thing that Anko and the Sandaime noticed was that Naruto now had red hair, the color of freshly spilt blood. Also, the boys eyes were a hateful crimson and the pupils were mere slits. Naruto's skin was also deathly pale, that is, what part of it was visible. Over almost all of his skin, there were intricate seals inked in black. If they were able look close enough, these same seals could be seen on his hair, in his eyes, and even on each individual cell of his entire body.

Regardless, the main thing was that the boy looked rather hideous. Naruto was shaped like a human but his overall appearance was that of a demon. The Hokage decided to ask more about the technique the boy mentioned rather than dwell on his image.

"What exactly is this Kitsune Illusion, Naruto?" Sarutobi asked. He had some idea due to the folk legends he had heard, but the green blue energy had intrigued him. He thought the fox's youkai was red.

"It's pretty sweet, old man. It uses kitsune magic to mess with light, sound, and even other things," Naruto explained excitedly. "By the way, you know how you mentioned something about foxfire? Well that's the greenish blue stuff you saw earlier. The Kyuubi said that the legends aren't really true about foxfire. It's not really fire; it's just the energy that kitsunes use. He said it's kinda like our chakra, they're both energy, just different types. Apparently fox magic just looks like blue flames when you use a lot of it."

"Hmm, that is interesting, Naruto," The Sandaime replied, 'But now the most important thing is learning to disguise yourself a little better."

End Flashback

* * *

Sarutobi stopped his reminiscing when he heard Naruto making noises out in the ocean. The boy, or rather giant fox, was thrashing about in the water. Apparently, he had stuck his head under the surface and was now sputtering due to the taste of the saltwater and the sting it left in his eyes. The Hokage laughed at his antics until Naruto accidentally swiped his tails in just the right way. 

Naruto must have used his youkai by mistake and by stroke of luck it reacted in a specific way with his tails and the water. Since it was pure chance, the attack, if one were to call it that, was nowhere near its full potential, but Sarutobi still gawked at the small tsunami that was created and sent out to sea. They were lucky to be on the southern coast of Fire Country because there were no islands of the mainland in this direction. If they had been on the eastern coast, Wave Country and the western coast of Water Country would have been pissed.

Speaking of Water Country, the Village Hidden in the Mist better not start anything with Konoha because Naruto could apparently drown their whole country. He would have to develop that tsunami ability more and he would also have to learn to walk atop water. Now was as good a time as any to try and teach Naruto that. The boy had yet to begin training his control or even the use of his youkai. Sarutobi figured that he should just treat it as really potent and evil chakra, as he had no experience with the demonic form of energy. He supposed he would have the boy learn to tree climb in his human form or just a regular size fox form, as that was the beginning exercise. After the boy did that, he would move him onto the water walking exercise while still in a smaller form. He wanted to use this time at the ocean to their advantage and let Naruto practice water walking in his full form.

He normally wouldn't expect a beginner to progress through these chakra control exercises so quickly but Naruto had proven to be exceedingly intelligent. The fox's brain was the most advanced thinking machine that Sarutobi had ever encountered. Before the body switch, Naruto had been… Well, he loved the boy, but the boy was about as sharp as a sack of wet mush. Now though, every thought the boy had would be processed by the advanced mind of the fox, allowing Naruto to surpass humans in thinking power by several fold. This didn't make him knowledgeable or wise, but once Naruto got the information, he would soon get there.

The reason he didn't start teaching the boy earlier was because of some earlier problems, namely, Naruto's inability to use hand seals or jutsu.

* * *

Flashback

It was about a week after Naruto left the Forest of Death. The Sandaime was trying to get Naruto to access his youkai. He had shown Naruto the ram hand seal, as that was often used to gather chakra, but so far there were no results.

Naruto was grunting with a generally constipated look on his face. If Sarutobi hadn't been the one who told him to access his energy, he would have asked the boy if he was actively trying to shit his pants.

Finally, he called one of the ANBU who was present during the initial incident who also happened to be a Hyuuga.

"Hokage-sama," the bird masked ninja greeted upon arrival in the Sandaime's back yard, the place he chose to instruct Naruto.

"Ah, Bird-san," said the Hokage, "would you be so kind as to inspect Naruto's coils while he attempts to draw on his energy?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama," the ANBU stated and formed a seal to activate his Byakugan. Sarutobi told Naruto to try again and grunting once again filled the private training grounds.

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama, but I think there might be a problem," the Hyuuga spoke up in monotone. The Hokage nodded for him to continue and Naruto stopped grunting in order to hear. "I cannot see any chakra coils, or rather, coils of any kind inside of this child."

The Hokage sighed deeply as he heard this. It was just another problem for the poor boy. Naruto; however, was livid.

"Goddamnit!" In his anger and frustration, Naruto didn't notice that he was starting to leak a vile red energy. The Hokage and the ANBU did, though, and the Hyuuga still had his bloodline limit activated. He voiced what he saw to his leader.

"Sir, his red chakra springs forth from every part of his body. It does not originate in the core of his body as in a normal human being. As he has no coils, it just seems to pass through and out of his every cell."

The Hokage was happy that the boy had found his youkai but it seemed another obstacle presented itself. Jutsu used hand seals. Hand seals manipulated chakra via the coil system and tenketsu points. Since Naruto had no coils, hand seals would accomplish nothing; therefore, he would not be able to perform jutsu.

Naruto was pissed when he was told.

End Flashback

* * *

After that, Sarutobi did not concentrate on focusing Naruto's youkai. What he did spend time on, was teaching the boy martial arts. Taijutsu was probably the most important aspect of being a ninja. Simultaneously, it was also one of the most overlooked. Once someone learned a few katas and sparred a few times with a peer, they thought they could move on to other areas of the ninja, like flashy jutsu. The reason why most shinobi from clans did better than others was more because of the constant martial arts training since childhood than any specialized jutsu. 

He normally would have assigned someone to educate the boy; however, Naruto was not the most loved person in the Leaf Village, especially after the incident that gave him his new body. He told the populous that the huge feeling of impending doom associated with the expulsion of a large amount of youkai was nothing but a hoax by a foreign enemy. The story was basically that ninja abducted Naruto and used an elaborate genjutsu that simulated the fox's youkai and malevolence in order to draw out the Hokage where they would assassinate him. To him this sounded rather unbelievable, but to the villagers and quite a few ninja, it was acceptable. He supposed that if you could hate Naruto for protecting everyone from violent death, you could be stupid enough believe some overcomplicated and obviously fabricated story.

Even though the cover-up went over well, there was still a rise in animosity toward the blonde container. By the time Naruto was able to shape shift and go back to his apartment in the village, it was trashed. There was really nothing of value in his apartment, but having derogatory remarks written on his walls really sucked. Sarutobi had told Naruto that he would have the apartment cleaned, but the boy had finally tasted something other than social isolation while in the Forest of Death and thus, he did not want to live alone anymore. He told the Hokage that he wanted to live with him and that he wouldn't have to babysit him or anything since he had been making it on his own for quite a while. Due to his increased thinking capacity, he realized he had been used as a tool of the village since his infancy and that he was entitled to some things. One of these was companionship.

The long story short, he ended up living with the venerable Hokage. Since he was right there everyday, Sarutobi figured that it would be easiest for himself to teach Naruto. Any instructor he would have selected would have had to meet three criteria: they had to be skilled, they had to harbor no ill will toward Naruto, and they had to be willing. This definitely cut the field down and he would not have Naruto picking up any of Gai's eccentricities. He felt that way even before Naruto told him of the reason for the Kyuubi's attack, which he would speak of to anyone, especially Gai as it would break the man. So, the Hokage just used shadow clones to teach the boy when he was busy and did so himself when he had the time.

They started out with a few katas of a relatively standard Konoha taijutsu style. Naruto picked these up rather quickly with his new super foxy memory. The thing that helped the most though, was sparing with Sarutobi or one of his clones. While in his human child form, the Sandaime did not have to try very hard to kick Naruto's ass, but the boy was progressing quickly. Two of the problems for children with taijutsu were their small reach and weak muscles. While Naruto had both these problems in his child form, he could also shape shift into a grown man. When they started thinking along this line, a whole new realm of possibilities was open for Naruto.

Naruto could increase the size of his body parts at will, not just his form in whole. This was basically the opposite of the Akimichi's clan techniques. While they expanded their normally sized bodies, Naruto constantly shrunk his giant body. All he had to do in order to replicate those multi size techniques was to unseal a portion of his body. Also, the greenish blue energy flames did not accompany only changes in size, as this was a manipulation of previously prepared dimensional space and not a technique that altered appearance through illusion. Although, later he would learn to control his fox magic energy output so that he did not waste massive amounts, thus allowing it to become visible.

Another major difference between Naruto's body manipulation and the Akimichi version was the scale. The clan of Konoha ninja could increase there size to that of a building, but Naruto had the body mass to be the size of a village. He could not be the full size of the Kyuubi while in the shape of a man, as a fox and human had body tissue in different amounts and in different places, but he could get fairly close. Plus, as long as he was increasing his body to epic proportions, it did not really matter if it reassembled a human being. Subtlety was pretty much out the window at that point.

Working his body tricks into his style was rather difficult. It was complicated to hit someone while consciously expanding your arm, after all. This was the kind of thing that Naruto and the Hokage would work on for over a year, although taijutsu was more of an ongoing thing, anyway.

Another aspect of Naruto's training was learning to perfect his illusion to disguise his appearance. This basically consisted of practicing the illusion and observing people to see details of a normal human body. Basic lessons in anatomy could only help, so Sarutobi showed the boy a few books from his library. That was how Naruto was introduced to the joys of reading. Sure, Anko had read to him in the Forest of Death and she even taught him lots of kanji, but Naruto's newly found intellect was starved for new and interesting things. Sarutobi's library offered just such a thing.

The Hokage did not have any awesome jutsu lying around in his home library, and even if he did, Naruto would be unable to perform them without chakra coils. What the old man did have; however, were several books on chemistry, biology, psychology, and several other subjects. He also had a nice collection of novels that the boy loved to read. Through the books on science, Naruto learned about the word. By reading stories, Naruto learned about interaction between normal people and how messed up his life really was. The more the boy read, the more he realized how horribly he was treated in his own village.

Sarutobi shook his head to banish the dark thoughts. This trip was ultimately about getting away from it all. There was no use in drudging up something unpleasant while he should be relaxing on a sandy beach. The Hokage thought of a good memory to brighten his mood. Surprisingly, this was a memory of Danzou.

* * *

Flashback

It was a meeting of the village council after he had "excused" his former teammates. His attendance was not necessary, but he wanted to see what kind of dynamic these meetings had after the expulsion of two elder counsel members.

Naruto was still stuck in the Forest of Death and there was the issue of feeding the giant fox, so he was a little stressed out. The Hokage thought that he had earned the right to blow off some steam.

Danzou was toward the back of the council chamber. No doubt he was plotting something and just generally feeling smug. The Hokage caught his eye from across the room and winked at him. The one armed man immediately ceased looking smug and sat up straighter. The Hokage mimed throwing his head back and laughing, further unnerving Danzou.

After a few minutes of sitting there in the council meeting, the Hokage cleared his throat loudly, stopping the proceedings.

"Excuse me, honored council, but if I could have your attention for just a few moments, please," Spoke the village leader.

The council agreed, reluctantly.

"I would like for each you to stand in turn and briefly explain the reasons why you should be on the council." It was an odd request and nobody moved so the Hokage continued. "Here. I will go first. I believe I am fit to be present because I am the leader of this village. See how it is done? Now we will start in the back and move forward."

Even though it was strange, people took turns standing and reciting their credentials and who they represented. As they got closer to Danzou, the Hokage's grin kept widening. By this time, many had deduced what the purpose of this exercise was and they were glancing between the Sandaime and Danzou.

Finally, it was Danzou's turn. Every one in the room was staring directly at him. Slowly he stood up… and walked out of the room. The Hokage's laughter echoed after him.

End Flashback

* * *

Ah, that was a good time. Danzou and his old teammates would probably cause problems in the future, but oh well. He brought his attention back to Naruto, who for some reason had a goddamned whale in his humongous jaws. The demon fox brought it to the beach in order to eat it more easily. 

As he was devouring the giant mammal, Naruto must have felt his incredulous stare because he turned to look at the old man.

"**What?"** Naruto asked as if he did not have pieces of the large sea creature hanging from his teeth.

"Uh… Nothing," the Sandaime waved the fox off, allowing him to resume eating. After the boy finished, they would head for a town in which to spend the night. Even though he was the greatest ninja in his village, he was still a little old to be roughing it out in the wilderness. This was a vacation, so he might as well be comfortable.

* * *

_I really like the Sandaime, although I make him crazier than he is in the manga. Expect to see more of him in my story. Anyway, review if you read this story. If you have read this and have not sent a review, I forbid you to continue reading._

_Just kidding… or am I?_


	6. To Be or Not to Be

_Well, at least I got this chapter out a little quicker than the last one. It may be short but the information inside will effect the plot quite a bit._

* * *

The Fox and the Fire Shadow had just returned from their vacation in the south of Fire Country. Sarutobi and Naruto, now in his human child form, briefly talked with the guard at the village gate, hardly anyone knew the Hokage was gone, a precautionary measure to prevent attack in the leaders absence, and then started the trek down the street to the Hokage tower. Sarutobi wanted to make sure that everything was fine during his stay away from Konoha.

Naruto had a great time on the trip. Not only did he get to see the ocean, but he was able to walk around in his full form without fear. Also, he really enjoyed his stay at the small village where he and the Hokage spent a lot of their vacation time. He had never actually played with any other children before, as in his home village he was seen as a monster, so the various games he and the children of the small coastal village played were a new and wonderful experience. Even though he was forced to mature at a young age and had received additional help along that path by gaining the Kyuubi's brain, it wasn't hard for Naruto to put aside his more adult thinking to indulge in the pleasure of childish fun.

No one risked being obvious with their glares at Naruto when the Hokage was present, but the atmosphere was definitely more hostile than the boy had experienced in the last few days. Naruto did not really pay it any mind, but subconsciously, he was aware. The duo arrived at the administrative tower and proceeded to Sarutobi's office. As expected, there was quite a bit of paperwork present on the old man's desk. While the Hokage had left the village in the hands of a few capable jounin, including his own son, Asuma, they could not deal with his paperwork as it required his authorization only.

Naruto was rather bored of watching the old man whimper, so he told him that he would see him at home and set off toward the modest estate that they now shared. As he walked the distance to his home, the glares and hatred from the villagers were difficult to ignore, as without the presence of the Hokage, the villagers didn't bother to hide their malice. He had gotten used to the lack of such hatred during his vacation. It was especially bad after his stay in the small village near the sea. Having never stayed in any place other than Konoha, Naruto began to subconsciously believe that such horrible treatment was just a fact of life. Naruto knew, even before his drastic increase in intelligence, that the behavior of the villagers was wrong, but he had never known anything else. Experiencing the civil behavior and kindness from the coastal village brought Konoha's shortcomings to the forefront.

By the time the boy arrived at his home, he was incredibly angry. How dare these people treat him like this! He had done absolutely nothing wrong to them. In fact, he had done something great for them. Because the Kyuubi was sealed inside of him, these inconsiderate people were still breathing.

Naruto understood that people had lost loved ones during the Ninetail's rampage, but he had lost just as much. Sarutobi had told him he was orphaned by the attack, so didn't he have just as much, if not more, justification to be upset? Then, he had to live with his parent's murderer trapped inside of his soul. And these people hated him? Hell, most of the population of Konoha was not that affected by the attack. The beast never made it to the walls of the village and only the shinobi faced it.

Everything was even worse considering he had no say in the matter. These people had used him against his will to save themselves and they had the nerve to hate him! If he had to relate his situation to something, he would say he was like the little boy with his finger in the dam. He held back the waters from destroying the town, but while he was standing there, the same people he was saving were throwing rocks at him. Not only was this ungrateful, it didn't make it any easier to plug the hole. It was as if the village wanted to be destroyed.

The more he thought about it, the more it made him sick. Not only did he hate these people, they disgusted him. He would not stand for this any longer!

* * *

Sarutobi was finally getting home after checking up on everything going on in the village. He had done some paperwork but there was just too much to get done in one night. As he entered his home, he heard some noises coming from Naruto's room. Curious, he walked to the boy's door to be greeted to the sight of Naruto mumbling angrily as he packed his things.

The Hokage cleared his throat in order to get the boy's attention. Fiery red eyes met his own as Naruto was not keeping his illusion activated at the moment. The old leader cocked his head to side and raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

"I'm leavin' this ungrateful town, old man," the boy said as he went back to his packing.

The Hokage guessed that this might be the case when he noticed the packed bags, but it still left a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Oh? Where will you go, Naruto?" Sarutobi asked calmly when, in reality, he was anything but.

"I don't really know," Naruto admitted, "Maybe I'll go back to that village by the sea. Anywhere is probably better than here."

Sarutobi always expected, at least in the back of his mind, that Naruto would get fed up with his treatment here in Konoha. He realized he took for granted that the boy would just grin and bear it. Thinking about it now, he figured that this change was brought upon by seeing the outside world and the way things could be. If Naruto had been some lonely child that knew nothing but ill treatment, more ill treatment wouldn't really affect him. Living with the Hokage had already shown the boy a loving environment and the vacation further cemented the fact that he deserved, or at least that he could receive, normal treatment.

"But what about becoming a ninja, Naruto? You shouldn't just give up because of a few ignorant people." Sarutobi thought that maybe the boy could be bribed with becoming an "awesome ninja". Perhaps if Naruto had never been blown up and stayed the naïve little boy who always saw the shinobi getting respect from everyone, he would have strived for that as well. But he had been acknowledged. And he wasn't stupid anymore.

"A few people? Try the whole damn village, old man!" Naruto snorted bitterly. "Besides, who ever said I wanted to be a ninja? One, I can't use the techniques and two, being a ninja isn't something to be proud of. I don't want to be some assassin who's hired out to the highest bidder. I may be a monster now, but at least I still have honor."

Naruto had read extensively about shinobi. They did not defend the righteous and duel honorably with other shinobi. They were not samurai. However, they did evolve from the samurai. In fact, before the advent of chakra and jutsu, a ninja was just a samurai who abandoned the code of honor, fighting unfairly and striking without warning. Living with the Sandaime, Naruto had glimpsed a few mission reports. These were not always ninja breaking up bandit camps to protect the innocent or escorting some princess. Konoha could not survive financially if they only accepted missions that would make them heroes. No, these reports detailed the assassination of local lords and business rivals or the murder of brothers in order to solely collect on an inheritance. Ninja whored themselves to scum and killed indiscriminately.

Uzumaki Naruto wanted no part of that.

Sarutobi was slightly put off as Naruto had basically said that he was not honorable. However, he knew what the boy meant. Nowadays, being a ninja was something to be celebrated, but in the past ruled by honor bound samurai, ninja were the lowest of the low. He sighed. He should have started pushing Naruto toward being a shinobi when he was younger. If he had built up the village in the mind of the young child, perhaps he would have sought their acknowledgement and strived to protect them. He was planning on getting Naruto hooked on being a ninja, specifically a ninja for Konoha, but it appeared as if he had missed his chance.

"Naruto," the Hokage sighed, "you have so much potential to be a great warrior. You may be a giant fox now but you need training to control your power. Also, I resent the honor comment."

"Old man, it's nothin' personal. I read some of your mission reports. I don't want to do that kind of thing," said Naruto. "I don't have a problem with being a warrior; I just don't want to be a ninja."

"Okay, fine," said the Hokage, "you do not have to be a ninja, but stay here in the village."

"Everyone hates me here! Why can't I just live in some peaceful village?" Naruto was getting frustrated.

The Hokage thought about telling him about his father and how he would want Naruto to stay in Konoha but he realized that would probably unleash a furious fox boy on the unsuspecting populous and maybe even Sarutobi himself. He couldn't allow Naruto to leave the village. He was worried for the boy's safety, as absurd as that sounds, but also the welfare of the Leaf village. There was a possibility the boy could be manipulated into attacking his former home.

"Naruto, you need to be reasonable. It is understandable for you to be upset with your treatment here, but you must rise above it instead of running away," stated the Hokage. "I also can't allow you to leave for safety purposes."

"You can't allow me to leave?" Naruto sounded incredulous. "Old man, you can't stop me!" The boy started to expand slightly at this, foreshadowing what would happen if force was used.

"Boy," the Hokage growled, "I may not be able to beat you, but I can seal you just as the Yondaime sealed the Kyuubi." Sarutobi regretted those words as he finished saying them. Naruto looked taken aback.

"Old man, you would sacrifice your soul to seal me away?" Naruto's voice was shaky. "You would do that to me?" Naruto took a step away from the man he considered his grandfather.

The Sandaime felt horrible as he saw the look in the child's eyes. He was hurt and felt that he had been betrayed by the man he trusted above all others. "Naruto," the Hokage said softly as he tentatively reached for the boy, "I'm sorry that I said that. I love you as if you were my own grandson, maybe even my son. Please, I just don't want you to go."

Naruto stared into the aged eyes of the Hokage, looking for some ulterior motive. Although Sarutobi also wanted him there for the sake of the village, he genuinely did want him to stay because he loved him. He always considered the Hokage as family, but to hear him say that warmed his heart. He gingerly walked forward and embraced the old man in a hug.

"Grampa…" He said into the man's robe. After a moment he released him and backed away. "Fine. I'll stay, but only for you. Also, there are two conditions. I won't pledge any loyalty to this village and I won't become a ninja.

"That is acceptable, Naruto," the Hokage conceded. "Now, put your things back and we will go get something to eat."

Naruto smiled and nodded. He wasn't that happy about staying in Konoha, but he would stay for his surrogate grandfather. Even if he was going to stay, he was finished taking crap from the villagers.

No more mister nice fox demon.

* * *

_How 'bout them apples? Naruto will not be a ninja. I mean, why would an invincible 500 foot fox demon sneak around? He just has to step on his enemies._

_You should review because I know where you live. In fact, look out the window by your computer. Too late, I've already hidden!_


	7. Grab Life by the Ball

_A couple people did not care for the rape victim analogy in the last chapter and after looking back at it, I agree that it is a little dark and somewhat confusing. I was trying to express how unfair the situation is for Naruto and how he was violated by being forced to take the Kyuubi into his soul. Anyway, I replaced it with something lighthearted and shorter as it fits the story better and is easier to understand._

_Also, Naruto's desire to leave the village may have been presented too hurriedly. I won't revise that because it would be kind of unfair for the readers who have already read the chapter to have to reread it, but I will try to soften how abrupt it was by having the characters rationalize or comment of the suddenness of Naruto's attempt to leave._

_The reviews are helpful and I appreciate them very much._

* * *

Naruto was feeling better today. It felt good to get some of his frustration off his chest yesterday. He realized that it really wasn't fair to spring all of that on the Hokage so suddenly and that he had kind of thrown a tantrum. That was not to say that it wasn't justified. Also, he was allowed to be a little petulant; he was ten years old after all. He had been acting too mature lately anyway.

Now he had to decide what he was going to do with his life. Ever since he had gained some knowledge of the profession, he had known that he didn't want to be a ninja. But, to proclaim as much to the Hokage had really cemented it for him. Apparently he wasn't going to be leaving the village, so that narrowed his options down. He would stay for the Old Man, not because he thought he would use a sealing technique on him, but because Hokage loved him. He was upset Sarutobi had told him such a thing but he realized it was in the heat of the moment and that the man just wanted him to stay.

That; however, did not solve the problem of what he would do now that he was a non-ninja stuck in a ninja village. He couldn't really work in the civilian sector as he was utterly despised by the majority of the village. He doubted many people would come to the demon's restaurant or the demon's family dentist. Well, since this was the Hokage's fault, he would make him deal with it.

* * *

The Sandaime was in his office doing the paperwork that was still left over from his time away from the village. Yesterday was kind of a strange day. He and Naruto had returned only for the boy to say he was leaving. That was the first big argument the two had ever had. He wasn't really that good at dealing with angry children. The last time he had a fight with his son, Asuma, the young man had left to join the Fire Lord's personal guard for a number of years.

He was a little disappointed that Naruto did not want to be a shinobi. He was a patriot at heart and Konoha surely would be safer with one of the Bijuu guarding it, but he would not force the boy. Leaving mission reports out on his desk while the boy was around to read them had not been a smart idea. When they recruited the young children to become shinobi, they did it through idolized figures like the Yondaime or the Legendary Sannin, not with gory details of reality.

He was cut short of his musings as the door burst open and the very child he was thinking about walked into his office.

"Hey, Gramps!" Naruto said loudly as he plopped himself down into one of the chairs situated in front of the Hokage's desk. It was not uncommon for Naruto to stop by his office and he had a free pass with the guards outside. He was using a kitsune illusion to take the appearance of the pre-exploded human boy he once was. He was wearing an orange button-down tee-shirt and some baggy black shorts. It was a definitely a step up from that jump suit he used to wear but he still could not kick the orange habit. Even if he wasn't a shinobi who needed stealth, orange was still such a loud color. The boy would have none of it though; he just really loved the obnoxious color.

"Hello, Naruto," he greeted the boy.

"Hey, since I gotta stay here, and I can't really get a civilian job, I wanted to tell you that you're gonna have to support me from now on," the Hokage looked at him quizzically so he continued, "I figure I'll just hang around you and be your assistant or something."

'Actually,' the Hokage thought, 'that is not a bad idea.' He'd get to spend time with Naruto and even if the boy wasn't a ninja, he could still help him if he got into any trouble. It would be as if Naruto was his summon creature. "Okay," he said simply.

"Great," Naruto said, "I ain't gonna be your secretary though, so if you want me for something, just shout." The boy got up and headed for the door. "I'll be messin' around in the village. See ya at home, Old Man!" With that, Sarutobi was left alone to continue his paperwork.

* * *

Naruto didn't really have a lot to do. There was no point in jogging or working out because he had fully developed demon muscles and that was boring anyway. Mostly, he liked to read. But, even though that was one of his favorite activities, it wasn't the only one. Recently, he had started to draw. He started out just doodling like many children but he was trying to get better.

He also spent time on his taijutsu katas. Even though he wasn't going to be a ninja, he'd still be learning to fight. It wasn't like he really needed a fancy martial arts style to beat anybody, as all he had to do was shift to his true size, but he wanted to be graceful and have the option of kicking ass on the ground level. It wouldn't do to be slapped around all the time when he wasn't 500 feet tall. He also thought it was fun to spar with the Sandaime or sometimes Anko. In addition to the physical arts, he also practiced his kitsune magic. Over the last two years, he had improved the illusion that covered his true appearance so that hardly anyone could tell it wasn't his true face. It used no chakra so it couldn't be sensed that way, but attention to detail could spot flaws. By observing people, he was able to get rid of those flaws.

To further entertain himself, Naruto was thinking about taking up a musical instrument. With all the free time he had, it would give him something to do. He didn't know what kind of instrument he would learn yet, but he wasn't in a hurry. Maybe he'd listen to some musicians and see which instrument he liked the most.

His favorite thing to do, or at least one of them, was to hang out at Ichiraku Ramen. The noodles tasted just as good to his foxy taste buds as they did to his human ones. Also, the old chef and his daughter had always been there for Naruto, doing more for him in his youth than perhaps even the Sandaime. When he had been about to leave Konoha, he didn't think about those two, and now he felt slightly guilty for it. Teuchi and Ayame were definitely a plus to staying in the hateful village.

He also doubted he could get ramen that good anywhere else.

* * *

It was a few months after Naruto's tenth birthday that Naruto first took the life of a human being. The whole situation was, oddly enough, caused by a joke he had been playing on the village recently. He had taken to wearing a cheap necklace made of a small ornament hung from simple string and pumping it full of enough kitsune magic, the ethereal green-blue energy labeled as foxfire in folklore, for the round ornament to glow mysteriously. 

Naruto would walk around the city and "subconsciously" touch the glowing necklace, as if to reassure himself that it was there. This was in order to fool people into thinking that the object was very important to him. He'd also started a few rumors, by transforming into an unassuming villager, that the object on the "demon-brat's" necklace was the fox's Starball.

Stories had been around for generations about kitsune's Hoshi no Tama. It was a traditional view that if you could get your hands on the magic orb in which foxes stored a portion of their power, you could get the kitsune to promise a favor. Now, many people in Konoha were not averse to the idea of having control over a powerful demon. Even though no one knew of the incident when Naruto had acquired the body of the Kyuubi, most had never thought the child was human in the first place.

Anyway, with the boy walking around with his supposed Hoshi no Tama proudly on display, many citizens were eyeing the gem with greed. A few had tried to swipe it, and this is where Naruto had the most fun.

When one man had reached for the necklace, Naruto had quickly transformed his appearance into that of a nine year old girl. A quick scream later and the "pedophile" was getting the shit kicked out of him.

He also put a small explosive note he got from Anko inside the ornament, along with glitter. And by glitter, he meant small shards of glass. So, that was fun.

It turns out that flaunting his fake Hoshi no Tama attracted the attention of some people a little more dangerous than your average civilian. One night, while he was sleeping in his room at the Sarutobi estate, his hypersensitive ears picked up a noise that would have gone unnoticed otherwise. He was surprised, to say the least, to find two masked men covertly going through his possessions.

After they realized he was sitting up in bed, there was a surreal moment where they all just looked at each other. Then, one of the intruders panicked. The man unsheathed his ninjato from his back, and in one fluid motion, severed Naruto's head from his body.

"Holy shit!" The other ninja whispered harshly, still mindful that they were in the Hokage's house, "I thought it wasn't able to be killed."

"Well," said the murderer of the child, "finding his fox charm won't do any good now, but on the other hand, the Kyuubi is dead." He glanced down to see the blood of the fox child still pouring out of its neck, turning the previously white mattress a dark red. Their master would initially be upset about the lost chance to control the Bijuu's power, but he would be delighted to hear that it had been killed. Hell, if he played his cards right…

His train of thought ended abruptly when an ethereal greenish blue glow illuminated the room. Both he and his partner watched at the demon child got a new head. It didn't really grow, it just sort of came into existence from the neck up. The now red-headed boy took a slow shuddering breath and then opened his crimson eyes.

There was a flash.

Youkai the color of his previously spilt blood had exploded from his body. The paint on the walls of Naruto room sublimed. It did not melt; it skipped that phase completely and evaporated in a flash. The exposed skin of masked ninja acquired the look of sunburn and their clothing burst into flame. It wasn't a roaring fire, but anything that was flammable inside the room was now on fire.

The demon child was now more demon than child. His form grew to fill the room as his muscles bulged grotesquely and claws erupted from hands that once looked human. Nine tails twisted angrily behind him as short red fur covered his body. Ears that look more like horns adorned the creature's head and its face elongated slightly.

A demonic arm pinned the man who severed Naruto's head to the flaming wall. The muzzle of the twelve foot tall man-fox came to rest inches away from the man's face. Even though the man could not breathe, all of his attention was on the baleful eyes seeming to stare into his soul. Naruto concentrated all of his loathing on the little man in his hand.

"…**Fucking ninja!" **he roared. The combination of the pressure on his body due to Naruto's grip, the oppressive nature of the youkai, and the unreal killing intent focused at close proximity caused several blood vessels in the masked shinobi's brain to rupture. Blood dripped from the man's eyes, nose, and ears as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. He died rather quickly afterward.

The man's partner, who until this time had stood in shock, thought this would be a good time to escape. He sprinted toward a window, heedless of the fact that he was still on fire. He didn't make it. The Hokage had woken up and ran to Naruto's room as soon as he sensed the demonic energy. He stood over the now unconscious, but still on fire, ninja in his pajamas.

Naruto tossed the body to the floor like a ragdoll. He calmed himself down and assumed his normal shape as the Sandaime used a minor water jutsu to put out the flames. Dimly, he realized he had killed a man but he didn't really care. Right now, he was looking at the slightly burned severed head on his mattress. It was just too weird. He had to pick it up.

It was surprising how small a human head seemed without being attached to a body. He was currently naked due to his transformation ripping his clothing, so there he was, holding his own severed head in the buff. The situation was just so odd that he started laughing. Maybe he was still a little off kilter from the violence.

He noticed the Hokage giving him a strange look, of course he knew why, but he couldn't help himself. He held up his own head by the hair and operated the mouth by holding on to the chin.

"Heelllloooo, Hooookaaaaageeeee-ssssammmaaaa," he said in a very fake high voice. He cracked up again when he saw the old man's face. "Oh, I'm keepin' this damn thing as a trophy," he muttered happily.

Sarutobi just shook his head. "Naruto, put some pants on," he said, "and for God's sake, put that thing away. You are really creeping me out." With that, he started to slap the living intruder in order to wake him.

The man groaned as he woke. The Hokage had taken his mask off in order to slap him awake and to see his face. He stiffened when he finally realized where he was and who was leaning over him.

"Now, young man," the Hokage began jovially, "perhaps you could tell me what you are doing in my home." It wasn't a question.

"I'm sorry," the man said softly but he did not appear to be speaking to the Sandaime. Sarutobi was slightly confused until the ninja started convulsing and then foaming at the mouth.

"Shit!" the Hokage opened the man's mouth to find a poison capsule that had been cracked in half. He stood up slowly and sighed as the man stilled. Naruto was watching, having finally put on some shorts that had escaped the flames since they were in his wardrobe. "Are you alright?" he asked the boy tiredly.

Naruto shrugged in reply; he didn't really know himself. He had just been decapitated, but he was still alive. Was that alright? Immediately after his head was cut off, Naruto found himself inside the dimension where the bulk of his body resided. The part of his head that had been lost was only a tiny percentage of the whole, so all he had to do was unseal a little more. To him, it was the equivalent of cutting himself while shaving. He had lost so little of his actual head.

Not that it would have mattered if his head was cut off in his full form. The Kyuubi was not so fragile as to die though decapitation. In fact, if the fox's whole body was obliterated, it would only slow it down. The Bijuu were demons of enormous power that controlled the elements. The one tailed demon, Shukaku, controlled sand and was even made of it. If you destroyed Shukaku, it would just make another body out of sand. Kyuubi was a much greater demon than Shukaku. Instead of controlling one element or even two, it controlled them all. Since elements were the base of everything, their combination could make anything. By doing this, Kyuubi could make a complete body. This was the reason that the Bijuu had to be sealed in order to be defeated. They could exist as long as they had elements to draw on.

In short, Naruto was just fine. He was only a little shaken up and it was understandable. How many people could contemplate their own beheading after the fact?

By this time, Sarutobi had called some ANBU to pick up the dead bodies from his home. At least a few never strayed far from him anyway and the ruckus alerted them as well. They set about examining the intruders with the Hokage before they carted them off. They were basically dressed like Konoha ANBU. They wore the same white masks and armor, but there were a few variations that a trained eye could catch.

These men did not have the typical "swirl" tattoo that those of the Special Forces possessed. However, both ninja did have matching tattoos. It consisted of two overlapping rectangles. The symbol did not hold any significance for the Hokage, and without any other evidence, he couldn't say who sent them.

Naruto; however, did have a way to find out where his attackers came from. Part of the benefit of being a demonic woodland creature was an enhanced sense of smell. After putting on a shirt and some sandals, Naruto, the Hokage, and two ANBU follow the scent of the two dead men back to the Hokage tower.

Sarutobi knew who sent the ninja. He and Naruto went back home as it was about two in the morning. They would deal with this later.

* * *

The particular door to the Hokage tower where Naruto had led the Sandaime yesterday morning led to one of the entrances to the catacombs under the village. Sarutobi knew that Danzou liked to lurk around down there where he could pretend he was the leader of the village. He had disbanded the man's Root forces a few years ago, but he had an inkling that the operation was still up and running. The problem was proving Root existed, but even so, he could admit to himself that he had been too soft in the first years of his reinstatement.

The catacombs were never really used to store the bodies of the fallen. It was more like a small underground city with many secret passageways that he, even as the supreme leader of Konoha's military forces, did not know of. There were just too many to keep track of and more were easily built all the time.

The main chamber of the catacombs was an open circular space that was about one hundred feet in diameter and several hundred feet deep. Walkways crisscrossed the opening at many levels, connecting to other chambers and passageways. ANBU headquarters were located in the vast underground city, as well as torture chambers and holding cells for interrogations. There was no prison located here, as that was in a remote area inside a volcanically active crevice, but the village needed someplace to hold offenders before they were transferred.

The Hokage knew that finding Danzou or the Root ninja in the sprawling underground city would take considerable effort. Trying to track them by smell would only work so well, as the poor ventilation allowed various scents to intermingle. Also, living in a village with the Inuzuka clan made people careful. They were lucky that the two Root members that had broken into Naruto's room were careless enough to leave a traceable scent on their way from the tower.

His plan was to send Naruto down into the catacombs with a human summoning scroll. The scroll would summon the Sandaime after it was torn open, as it was infused with chakra before hand. The summoning was rather slow, taking several seconds, and it left whoever was summoned a little disoriented for a moment, but it was an effective means of travel in noncombat situations.

Naruto could use his Kitsune illusions to make himself invisible, allowing him to prowl around the catacombs without being detected. He had no doubt that there were traps to sense chakra so people in genjutsu couldn't sneak past, but Naruto didn't use chakra. If the boy wanted to be a ninja, he could assassinate just about anyone thanks to his ability to cloak himself without using chakra.

Since Naruto wasn't a ninja and didn't ever plan on being one, the Hokage couldn't order him to find Danzou, but the boy wanted to do it. One, Danzou was a pain in the ass for Sarutobi and he'd help him as a friend. Two, Root came into his bedroom and cut off his Goddamn head.

The only problem Naruto had was the fact that there was going to be a lot of killing. Yesterday was the first time he had taken a life and it was something he had to think about. Sarutobi didn't have to give him any speeches and Naruto didn't need to hear any. He was smart enough and had read enough to deal with his feelings on his own, but it was a good idea to take some time to think about it.

So, after a day of introspection and preparation, Naruto entered the catacombs. He was clad in only a pair of sweatpants. The reasons for this were twofold. The way he fought by increasing his size was not conducive to wearing clothing and the temperature in the catacombs was fairly comfortable.

Naruto decided to take the short swords from the dead ninja with him. He didn't know any fancy kenjutsu, but they could cut things and that was enough. He also took a few kunai, even though they were strictly ninja tools. It always struck him as odd that shinobi used kunai but wore headbands indicating them as ninja. The only point to using a kunai, instead of a throwing knife, was that it was inconspicuous. A kunai was a gardening tool, a trowel used for digging. If you were not going to hid the fact that you were a ninja, you shouldn't use a blunt piece of metal with horrible balance that was never meant for throwing. Anyway, he took kunai so he could attack at a distance. He didn't bring any explosive notes, even though he thought they were one the best aspects of being a ninja, because they were to dangerous to use in precarious underground passageways.

* * *

Naruto had been in the catacombs under Konoha for over twelve hours. He was kind of frustrated in his search but he knew it wasn't going to be easy and he hadn't been trying really hard anyway. He had entered already cloaked in his kitsune illusion during the night and had been walking around haphazardly ever since. He did; however, take a nap a while ago.

He was surprised at just how extensive the tunnels under the village were. His strategy to find Root had been to just wander around aimlessly and hope that he would run into someone eventually. He assumed that Danzou's base of operations was located in the lower levels or the farthest reaching corridors as the ANBU headquarters and other various things of which the old man informed him were located on the levels closest to the surface and concentrated in a small radius from the central hall.

After a few more hours of searching, his sensitive ears picked up the sound of footsteps. He followed the sound through a series of corridors in the lower levels to find a ninja dressed in ANBU garb. He followed the man safely in his illusion of invisibility.

Less than ten minutes later, the ninja had unknowingly led Naruto to what seemed to be a cross between dojo and living quarters. There were four other people present but none matched the description of Danzou that Naruto was given by the Hokage. He noticed the same tattoo that was on the men that had been in his room on the exposed shoulder of one of the ninja so he assumed that all these men belonged to the Root organization.

Naruto figured his best bet of finding Danzou was to wait for one of the Root shinobi to go to the man and follow him. He waited several hours for someone to show up or leave and he was getting tired. He had started this search at night but it was now well into the next day. Finally, another ninja came into the room and after a few words, he left accompanied by another.

Naruto followed them to a location about fifteen minutes away and about two floors down. He watched as one of the men knocked on a doorway and a small lookout was slid open. After their identities were confirmed, the two ninja were let in and the door was shut and barred once more.

All the heavy security made Naruto think that the leader must be inside, but he wanted to be sure. He set down his swords, kunai, and summoning scroll around the corner. Then he took off his pants. He had a good reason for getting naked, as shifting to a smaller form didn't allow the option of wearing the same pants. Concentrating, he willed himself into a tiny form that resembled a fox crossed with an insect while maintaining his cloak of invisibility.

Quietly, he snuck under the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. The interior of this room was a stark contrast to the dreariness of the corridors outside. There was hardwood flooring and potted plants. There was even a small Zen garden off to the side.

Through a pair of traditional rice paper doors, Naruto found the one armed Root commander speaking with one of the shinobi that he had followed to this room. With his target found, Naruto snuck back outside and around the corner. He shifted into the form of the child he had once been and put his pants back on. After using another illusion to hide the whole section of hallway he was in, he broke the wax seal on the summoning scroll. He opened the scroll and laid it out on the ground, watching as the intricate circle of seals glowed a faint blue.

After about seven seconds, a wisp of smoke grew from the parchment and thickened in the air. Once it had dissipated, the Hokage could be seen standing there without his usual hat and robe. The old man had been prepared to jump to Naruto's location and was dressed in his battle gear. He had stopped wearing the long scarf after Naruto told him it looked stupid.

Both Naruto and the Hokage knew they had to work quickly as Danzou's ninja had likely felt the chakra involved in the summoning. After telling the Sandaime of how many shinobi were in the room at least and increasing his height to approximately six feet for easier sword wielding, they hurried to the room. Naruto winked at the Hokage and knocked on the steel. The fox boy's sensitive ears were able to pick up movement in the room before he heard someone fumbling with the sliding peep hole on the door.

The unfortunate man at the door could only make out a fist about five feet across approaching before the door was blown of its hinges and smashed into him. The others in the room were already wary after they felt chakra outside but now they were fully alert.

The dust settled and there stood the Hokage and an adult version of the demon brat. Danzou sneered at the sight of his rival and pet demon. "Attack!" the crippled man yelled as he fled for another passageway in the back of his office. He didn't waste time trying to talk to the Sandaime because the way he was dressed and the look in his eyes said that he was there for blood.

The Root shinobi hesitated a little since the man in front of them was their Hokage, but they had been essentially brainwashed into following Danzou blindly. Several rushed forward to engage the village leader, using numbers to their advantage. Naruto barreled into the thick of them while holding up both of the short swords confiscated from his earlier attackers. He received a few deep cuts as he and two others landed in a heap of limbs and steel. One man of to the side had taken a deep wound to his side when Naruto passed, but the two on the floor were mostly fine. They had just a few lacerations and Naruto had basically tackled them.

Close quarters combat was quick and dirty as there was no space for fancy movement. Naruto slashed wildly with his short swords while he and his opponents were still on the ground. He felt himself get stabbed with a kunai and a ninjato. After a moment they managed to right themselves and all three stood a few feet apart. Naruto was bleeding all over but he was already healing. He would have had several cut tendons and a punctured kidney if he were normal. One of his opponent's arms hung limply while his ANBU style armor had mostly protected him from Naruto's wild slashes. The other man was having trouble seeing due to all the blood flowing down from a wound on his forehead.

Naruto was surprised at the feeling he was having. The white hot pain from the cuts along with the bruises from impact did not cloud his mind. In fact, there was a strange sort of clarity. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was the fact that he knew he couldn't die, but he found himself smiling. He enjoyed throwing himself into the heat of battle.

Meanwhile, the Hokage took advantage of Naruto's break through the enemy ranks. Dashing to one side, he kicked one ninja into another creating a little space. He didn't have enough time for many hand seals due to the enemy's proximity, but a simple jutsu took just a few motions. Ending on the Tora seal, he breathed a small stream of fire at the line of Root shinobi.

This did little more than singe the ninja, but it did make them back up, thus giving the Sandaime more time. After biting his thumb and making a quick series of seals, the Hokage slammed his hand down on the floor with a cry of "Kuchiyose no Jutsu." Intricate symbols appeared around his hand in a circle, calling forth the monkey king, Enma.

The Hokage quickly transformed his summon into the adamantine nyoi-bo. As seven Root ninja came at him from the veil of smoke left from the quick Katon technique, the aged leader began jumping and spinning, not unlike his monkey summon, all the while swinging the massive staff. Limbs were broken and skulls were smashed.

During his massacre of the men who rushed him, three men stood back and started doing hand seals. Once the last of the seven were incapacitated, the Hokage had to duck under a Doton jutsu. As rock and dirt flew over him, he was unprepared to dodge a fire and another earth technique. He managed to escape the fire jutsu, but was unable to completely avoid the dragon made of rock. The old man was clipped in the left hip and sent spinning into the wall.

Though it looked brutal, he was relatively fine. You didn't become Fire Shadow without taking a few licks. He sprung back up in time to avoid some kunai one of the three Root shinobi had thrown and let his staff fall from his hand. When it touched the ground, the staff transformed back into Enma and lunged at one of the men. While the monkey king mauled the poor man, Sarutobi threw one of the kunai back at the man's comrade. The man was able to avoid fatal injury, but still took the kunai in the chest below his clavicle.

The Hokage rushed forward to meet the last man's charge. When the ninja swung his wakizashi, the Sandaime stepped inside his guard while simultaneously grabbing his wrist. Sarutobi spun so his back was facing the enemy and shifted his weight, slamming the man on the ground, knocking him unconscious, and disarming him. With the man's sword in hand, he parried the kunai of the man who was injured in the shoulder. Then, he struck the ninja in the temple with the butt end of the sword, dropping him to the floor.

Enma had finished with his opponent by this time and was awaiting the Sandaime's orders. "Follow me," the Hokage told his summon animal before he ran to the passageway that Danzou had used to escape. The whole confrontation didn't take that long and he figured he could catch up to the bandaged man as he tried to hobbled away. He glanced at Naruto and dashed down the corridor, yelling a "Hurry up, boy!" over his shoulder.

Naruto had killed two of the three men he had contact with, not counting the doorman who was just unconscious. The first had bled to death after the kitsune's initial charge. The second was the man whose arm he had injured. He had surprised the man by enlarging his arm into a disfigured, clawed monstrosity. Naruto caught the Root shinobi in the neck and chest. Now he was facing down the final man, who seemed to be more skilled.

The ninja had thrown several kunai at him, with most sticking. Naruto's attempts to hit the man with his own kunai proved useless. He vowed to himself to learn how to throw knives faster and more accurately. What was irritating him was trying to use the ninjatos he had brought. He wasn't skilled enough to use them normally and they were too small to hold when he increased the size of his appendages. His hand was larger than the hilt and the blade was cutting hand. He needed a custom weapon after this.

Finally he was able to snag the man, but his success was short lived. The man had created a shadow clone and hid himself. Naruto didn't know what happened until a short sword was driven through his right eye and all the way out the back of his skull.

It seemed that it had killed Naruto; however, it was now the Root soldier's turn to be surprised. He had gotten up close in order to drive the sword into the Naruto's brain and thus, he didn't have any time to escape as two giant arms enveloped him. Red youkai started to pour from the kitsune's wound. The rest of his body began to grow and transform into some sort of fox monster. The last thing the terrified man in his arms saw was a large muzzle filled with sharp white teeth descending upon him.

Naruto dropped the bleeding body and roared as he pulled the sword from his head. He took a few heaving breaths to calm down after all the pain. Only after he could think straight did he realize he had eaten a man's head and part of his chest. He didn't throw up, but he did feel sick to his stomach. The crazy thing was that it didn't taste that bad considering it was mostly brain and bone, although the ninja's shirt wasn't that tasty. He did know that he was going to have some nightmares for a while. For now, he had to catch up to the old man.

* * *

Enma and Sarutobi had been running down a tunnel for a few minutes when the entered a more open area. Danzou was crossing the space when he heard the Sandaime enter. Realizing he couldn't run, he turned to face the Hokage.

"Why have you attacked me, Sarutobi?" Danzou asked the village leader.

"You know damn well why," the Hokage responded, "Sending your thugs into my home, continuing the Root division against my orders, and just being a general pain in my ass."

"Well, I have to admit that I never thought you would be this bold," Danzou said as he slid a hidden blade from his cane, "I think it's about time we put an end to our rivalry."

"Danzou, I have never viewed you as a rival," said Sarutobi while Enma transformed back into a staff, "merely an annoyance."

With that, the two old men rushed at each other.

* * *

Naruto had taken off down the same corridors that the Hokage had traversed minutes before. He was still shaped like an eight foot tall werefox as he followed his surrogate grandfather's trail. About half way to helping the old man, Naruto was slammed through the wall on his left and into a cave lit by torches.

Climbing to his feet, Naruto peered into the hole he made in the wall. Two masked shinobi stepped through the broken rock. Naruto growled and flexed his claws, having left the swords behind. Before he was able to charge the Root soldiers, a pillar of water from the small stream flowing through the cave smashed into his side and lifted him off the ground. Naruto crashed into the hard rock of the cave which would have snapped his bones if his demonic form wasn't so strong.

Naruto was getting tired of being blindsided. Getting up again, he noticed at least six other Root shinobi standing smugly around the cave. As Naruto began to grow even more, he started snickering. Soon; however, that turned into full blown laughter.

"**Ha haha HAHAHAHA! Why are you so smug?!"** he bellowed as nine long tails sprouted from the end of his spine, **"Don't you know that I am the Kyuubi?!"**

Some of the shinobi shifted nervously when he started to laugh insanely, but when he became a thirty foot tall fox, they were definitely afraid. Regardless of their fear, they began to assault the miniature Bijuu with their most devastating jutsu.

After the roar of their techniques died down, they stared at the large debris cloud, waiting to see what damage they caused the creature. Twenty seconds later, the cloud had dissipated somewhat but still lingered enough to simulate a dense fog. All at once, glowing crimson eyes appeared through the screen of dust.

Slowly, the cave was bathed in the eerie red light of youkai. The whipping of tails helped clear the remaining debris cloud but did nothing to ease the sense of despair that had fallen upon the Root forces.

"**Puny ninja!"** Naruto whispered, but in his current form, it echoed loudly through the underground chamber. It was even audible over the screams of a man as he was run through the torso by a massive dagger-like tail.

* * *

The Sandaime was rather surprised by the old war hawk's ability. He supposed if the man was trying to become Hokage, he would at least have to be somewhat skilled. Although Danzou was obviously better than most jounin, he was a little out of practice. Not to mention, he did only have one arm.

Sarutobi had clashed with the man several times but neither of them had injured the other; however, the Hokage definitely was not pushed beyond his limits. The only real problem he had to deal with was Danzou's two underlings that had arrived to help their leader by standing clear away and throwing kunai or jutsu at him.

Growing tired of the same old song and dance, the Hokage used his superior strength to push Danzou away. With some distance between them, Sarutobi swung his staff like a bat, but let it go towards one of the sniping shinobi. The great staff rotated end over end until it impacted with the rock in front of the hiding ninja. Due to the object weighing a surprising amount and being thrown with great force, it broke through the rock and collided with the man. After the broken and unconscious man was dealt with, the staff became Enma once more and the old monkey flitted around the edge of the cave on his way to the other Root officer.

The Hokage had not been idle during this time. He had thrown a few kunai before making a series of hand seals, turning the few into around fifty. Danzou, not having the ability to make seals due to his arm situation, pumped a great amount of chakra into the ground and then stomped. A wall of earth about ten feet tall rose in front of the Root commander.

Sarutobi was not called the professor for no reason. He had assumed his opponent would use a move like this so after his kunai shadow clone technique, he threw another kunai with an explosive note attached to it. The resulting explosion barely broke through the wall and only a little bit of rock blew out on Danzou's side. In the world of ninja; however, subtle tricks often decide the outcome of battles.

Danzou was slightly unbalanced and distracted, allowing the Hokage to make it around the destroyed wall and put a kunai against the man's throat.

"Well, you got me, Hokage-sama," Danzou sighed, "but I didn't really believe I could defeat you."

"Don't think of this as goodbye," Sarutobi told him cheerfully, "just farewell."

"Thank you for your humor on my deathbed, Sarutobi," said Danzou, "but I prefer to go out with more of a bang!"

The Sandaime and Enma, who had finished with the remaining ninja, then realized Danzou had channeled his chakra into a particular spot on the cave wall. The sizzling sound of explosive notes primed to go off echoed in the underground chamber. There were so many that the walls of the cave would undoubtedly be brought doubt, along with tons of earth.

"Sore loser," the Hokage told the giggling Danzou sternly before he slit his throat. If he was going to die, he would at least have the pleasure of that man's demise.

Just before the explosion, Sarutobi and Enma heard Naruto galloping down the hallway, singing "Here I come to save the day!" After Naruto had slaughtered all the hapless Root shinobi, he had followed the Sandaime's scent, a mix of tobacco and old people smell, down the hallway. Toward the end of his journey, he was able to hear about the coming explosion and was able to come up with a way to save the old man.

Six things happened in rapid succession: Naruto entered the hall, Naruto rapidly expanded, Naruto's giant maw came down on the old man and the monkey, Enma un-summoned himself, the explosive notes went off, and the Hokage wished the explosive notes went off earlier.

Half an hour later, when Naruto and Sarutobi made it out of the rubble, the Hokage didn't speak for five minutes. Naruto had asked if he was alright, but he would not answer.

"Naruto," he spoke at last, still covered in saliva, "just let me die next time."

* * *

_Damn, that was the longest thing I've ever written! And yes, Naruto did eat the Sandaime to protect him from the blast. It was sort of a parody of Sasuke and Manda._

_Anyway, what did you think of my first fight scene? Till next time!_


	8. Whip It Good

Once Naruto and the Sandaime made it back to the central hall of the catacombs under Konoha, the old man yelled for the ANBU

_I'm very sorry that this took so long to get out. It was a combination of writer's block and being busy trying to improve my GPA._

* * *

Once Naruto and the Sandaime made it back to the central hall of the catacombs under Konoha, the old man yelled for the ANBU. The special ops ninja were a buzz with activity after feeling the explosion and were currently in the upper portion of the main hall. Hearing a voice calling from the lower levels, the masked ninja descended to find their disheveled leader and Naruto.

"Search the area behind me for survivors and make sure everything is structurally sound," the Hokage ordered. The ANBU bowed and moved to fulfill the order. More and more shinobi arrived at the scene as time passed to help search through the ruble. Sarutobi discretely told a few of the special ops ninja to search for any of Danzou's documents or other interesting things.

Naruto wanted to go to bed and the Sandaime wanted to take a shower, but the Hokage had to make sure of one thing first. He gave orders that remaining Root soldiers, as most of them were not present when he and Naruto raided their headquarters, should not be hunted down. Most of Danzou's men were covertly stationed as part of the ordinary shinobi ranks of Konoha. They were conditioned for taking orders and the Hokage hoped they could be integrated into the regular chain of command.

Finally, Naruto and the Hokage made it to the surface to find that it was dark outside. This made Naruto realize he hadn't slept for about a day as it was night when he began searching for the Root commander. He was practically dead on his feet by the time they made it back to their domicile. He said goodnight to his surrogate grandfather and went to his bedroom while the old man headed to the shower.

Naruto was rather filthy himself, but he just wanted to sleep at the moment. Naruto crashed to his bed still dressed in the pants he had pilfered from the tower after he had ripped his first pair, not wanting to walk through the streets naked. He hadn't given thought to all the people he had killed that night and he didn't want to deal with it until he was rested. Hopefully his sleep would be dreamless.

* * *

The next day, Naruto woke up about an hour before noon. After taking a shower, he headed into the kitchen where he got himself something to eat to hold him over until he made it to Ichiraku's Ramen stand for lunch. The Hokage was already in his office at the administrative building so he was left alone in the house. There was usually an ANBU nearby to guard the house and make sure no one snuck in to the Hokage's home to set traps, but apparently that did little good for the Root shinobi snuck in a few days ago. Anyway, the ANBU kept out of sight and Naruto had the house to himself.

Every once and while, a maid would stop by to clean the house of the village leader but he and the Hokage were mostly left alone, and although there were other Sarutobis in the village, the Hokage lived alone before Naruto came along. The Sandaime's son had moved out long ago and his wife had died before Naruto had reached the age of four. From the few times the old man had talked about her, she was a civilian woman with dark black hair and a bad temper. The Sandaime had met her while on his way back from a mission during his days as a jounin. She was the daughter of a merchant who was staying in the town he passed through on his way to Konoha. She had bumped into him in the marketplace and proceeded to chew him out for the mishap.

He had apologized, even though it was her fault, because he thought she was kind of cute. It turned out that her family was on the way to Konoha as well, which he found out when he met her at a restaurant a few days later. She recognized him and they ended up sharing a meal together. They kept running into each other from then on, whether that was purely coincidental was up for debate, and eventually they started dating seriously.

Throughout their whole time together, she always pushed him around, even though he became the mighty Hokage. He loved her though, and enjoyed her brash attitude. It was refreshing having someone else take charge, even if it was just in their relationship, as he had to constantly run a whole village.

She had died during an assassination attempt upon the Hokage's life more than six years ago. The Sandaime had been reinstated and some shinobi in Hill country apparently wanted to make a name for themselves, thinking an old man would be easy enough to kill. When Naruto had told Sarutobi that he had never heard of Hill country before, the Hokage had replied, "Of course you haven't," with a strange expression.

Anyway, it was probably good that he and the old man lived alone and that the maid wasn't due for several days, as what Naruto was keeping in the freezer would have given quite a few people a heart attack. When he had said he was keeping his severed head, Naruto wasn't joking.

He had put his former body part on ice so that he wouldn't stink up the house before he could figure out what to do with it. He knew the skin and brain would rot, so he needed a way to clean the skull. Naruto didn't really want to scoop out his own brains, pluck out his eyes, or peel his own skin off, so he decided on boiling.

Naruto figure he might has well do the deed now, since he had an hour or so to kill before he ate lunch, so he took a large pot from the pantry and filled it up with water. He put his head in the water and took the whole thing outside; as he didn't know what kind of smell the boiling head would produce, even though he figured it was just a kind of meat.

After starting some wood on fire, he set the pot to boil. Poking the head with a stick after fifteen minutes of cooking, he realized it would take a while longer to soften up enough to easily shed the undesirable parts. Naruto decided to head inside while his head continued to boil. He read for an hour before he checked on the progress of his trophy.

The boiling did loosen the skin somewhat, but did nothing to help with the removal of the brain. The grey mater had solidified into a jelly like substance that was harder to remove than before he started to cook it. Though it should be appalling, the act of scooping his own brains out did not really bother him; he supposed it was the strangeness of the situation.

After he had gotten his skull relatively clean, he put back in the pot along with some clean water. It was still relatively pink from the blood, most of which he didn't have to deal with due to the boiling. He put the meaty remains of his head into the fire as the old man probably wouldn't appreciate that kind of thing on his property.

Naruto decided to let the bones continue to boil while he cleaned up, got dressed, and went to his favorite place in the village.

"Hey, Ayame-chan," Naruto greeted once he arrived at the ramen stand, "Can I get a couple bowls of beef ramen to start with?"

"Sure thing, Naruto-kun," the brown haired waitress replied as she went into the back of the stand to give her father the order. There were no other people at the stand so Naruto didn't have to deal with any annoying villagers. The kind owners of the ramen stand were the only people for whom Naruto would hide himself, transforming into a nondescript boy to avoid scaring off their customers.

After she had given Naruto's order to her father, Ayame came back out to the counter. They talked for a few minutes while the fox child's ramen cooked but Naruto did not tell the girl about his exploits of the last few days. He trusted her immensely but he didn't want to dictate all those gruesome details to an innocent civilian waitress.

When it fist happened, Naruto had told both Ayame and Teuchi about his inheritance of the Kyuubi's body. They weren't scared at all, just concerned for the recently exploded boy. The Ichirakus knew that he was the container for the fox demon, even though Ayame was only a few years old when it attacked, but they never hated him. This just made Naruto's love for them, and ramen by proxy, grow to even greater levels.

A few minutes later, Teuchi emerged from the kitchen with Naruto's order. He talked with his favorite customer while he ate, but then had to return to the back of the stand to cook more ramen for the child. Sarutobi wasn't necessarily rich, but he had enough money to allow Naruto his ramen addiction.

After Naruto's belly was fully distended by noodle soup, he bid the stand owners goodbye and headed back to his house. The fire under the boiling head had burned out, but only recently as the water was still hot. He dumped the water out of the pot and let his former body part cool down somewhat.

The skin had loosened from the bone a little, but it also seemed to have shrunk around the skull. What really backfired was the removal of the brains. Naruto had hoped that the boiling water would deteriorate the grey matter, but it was tougher now than when he began. His brain was now the consistency of a hard boiled egg. He had to crumble it out rather than scoop. At least it didn't smell that bad.

Naruto used a kitchen knife to cut the skin off of the bone, being careful not to scratch the skull. There was still some flesh stuck to the skull, but he planned on boiling it again to help get that off. What remained of the spinal column was removed easily with the bulk of the flesh. The hardest part of the cleaning was removing the solidified brains through the bottom of the skull. Naruto ended up using a coat hanger to reach in and break it up. With the skull mostly clean, he put it back in the pot, added some clean water, and set it boiling once again.

After the boiling was finished, during which time he practiced his katas incorporating the use of his tails, Naruto scraped the skull once more. It was now relatively clean so Naruto let the skull sit outside to dry. Hopefully, the morbid process would be complete by tomorrow. For now, he thought he should go bug the Hokage.

Naruto washed his hand, locked the house, and headed down the main street to the Hokage tower. It was around 1:30 and there were a few people in the street. Naruto was not hiding his appearance, so the people were sneering at him. He didn't try to smile at them like a happy fool, he just sneered back.

Since Naruto was in the form a young child, the foolish villagers felt that they could scorn him, even though they should fear him. A mother with her young child was crossing the street when Naruto passed near her. Even in the presence of her child, she spit at Naruto's feet.

Naruto was not going to take something like that from some stupid bitch that hated him for the demon, but still thought she was safe enough to taunt him. Naruto used his kitsune illusion skill to mask off the entire area surrounding himself, the woman and her child from the eyes of the villagers outside. To them, it looked like Naruto continued walking toward the village center and that the woman was talking to her son at the side of the road.

"Hey idiot!" Naruto called to the woman. No one else heard him and eventually the woman turned around, still holding the hand of her small child.

"Watch how you speak to me you filthy little monster!" she practically screamed at him. The boy at her side remained oblivious thanks to Naruto's skill.

"Listen lady, I think you should learn some gratitude for the prison keeping you safe," Naruto growled out, "maybe you'd learn better if your snot nosed brat had the Kyuubi stuffed in his gut!"

"Wh-what are saying, demon brat?" She was slightly put out because he had broken the law about mentioning the Kyuubi and also because he was talking about her son.

Naruto smiled evilly. "I'm tired of people not appreciating my sacrifice," he told the civilian woman lowly, "let's see how people treat your innocent little boy when he has to do my job."

With that, Naruto activated another illusion. To the woman, it appeared as if Naruto tore his shirt open. Then, black seals on his stomach swirled angrily before shattering. A malevolent red energy emerged from Naruto's stomach, briefly taking the form of a roaring fox head, before it plunged into the woman's screaming child.

The boy didn't notice anything in reality, but in the kitsune illusion he was lifted into the air while screaming and convulsing. Finally, after the violent energy completely dissipated into the child, he collapsed to the ground in a heap. His burned open shirt revealed a large black seal and upon his cheeks were six faux whisker marks.

During the whole ordeal, the woman had been screaming hysterically. Finally, she could take no more and passed out. Naruto left the area, his illusions dissipating moments afterward. The boy, who had been oblivious, was now puzzling over his unconscious mother while bystanders came to help.

When the woman was awoken some minutes later by the helpful villagers, she was frantic. She then noticed her son's cheeks were whisker free and proceeded to lift the child's shirt to see his stomach, confusing the surrounding people. After she didn't find anything, she broke down weeping while hugging her confused child.

* * *

Naruto arrived at the Hokage's tower and climbed the stairs to the third floor where Sarutobi's office was guarded by two masked ANBU members who allowed Naruto through without a hassle. The Hokage was, as usual, doing paperwork.

"What's happenin' Gramps?" Naruto asked as he sprawled out on a couch off to the side of the office.

The Hokage paused in his work to glance at Naruto and shrug before going back to work. Naruto sighed at the old man who was absorbed in running a large village. The Hokage was always busy and he was usually irritable when swamped in paperwork.

"Hey, I've seen shinobi make copies of themselves before," Naruto suggested, "Why don't you use some of them to help you in the office?" The boy thought they would really useful and that was one of the ninjutsu he was disappointed he would never be able to use.

The Hokage knew that Naruto was probably speaking of the Bunshin no Jutsu, which wouldn't help, but the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu could fit the bill. The technique made physical clones of the user and upon dissipation, relayed all of the knowledge they acquired during their short existence back to the original. Naruto didn't know any of this, he just assumed every type of clone split the user into multiples of the original.

The Hokage had actually thought about using clones before to help him, but it was really not ideal. The effort to execute the technique and keep it active exceeded the hassle of just trudging through the paperwork. He had sometimes left clones to deal with Naruto's martial arts education, but that was a special case where he absolutely had to be somewhere else.

It was fine using Kage Bunshins in a fight, but so was running. Running is a strenuous activity that is necessary in ninja battles, but no one went around sprinting all the time. The same thing went for chakra techniques; it was like using a muscle.

To answer Naruto, who really had no desire to know that much about a technique he could never accomplish, the Sandaime just shook his head. The boy just sighed again as he laid back into the couch. There was silence for quite a while as the Hokage looked over and signed documents and Naruto relaxed on the sofa.

"I boiled my head," Naruto said suddenly. The Hokage froze, his ink brush pausing mid stroke. When he looked up, Naruto was staring up at the ceiling. Coughing slightly, the Hokage asked him, "Why?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said I would keep it," said Naruto, "but I didn't want to leave a rotting head just laying around so I had to get rid of all the perishable parts."

"…Naruto," the Sandaime began after thinking for a moment, "are you alright? In the head, I mean. This head thing is a little freaky and I know you just killed for your first time a few days ago. Not to mention, you killed quite a few people yesterday along with actually eating a few. I'm worried that your behavior is beginning to be somewhat psychotic."

"Old Man, its true that I might be a little bothered about killing a bunch of people, and eating them was even weirder, but I'm okay," Naruto said. He paused for a second before continuing, "I admit that the head thing is freaky, but how often do you have an opportunity to keep your own skull as a souvenir?"

"That's okay, Naruto," said the Hokage, "and to be honest, a lot of ninja do things even weirder and much more depraved, but if you ever start having problems I want you to talk with me."

"Okay, Old Man," Naruto conceded. They sat in silence for a while and the Hokage continued his paperwork. Naruto thought about the ordeal in the catacombs and eventually remembered how hard it was to wield a human sized weapon when he was in a very large body. The short swords he was using at first cut his hands because they were too large to just hold the handle and not the blade. He was going to need a personalized weapon for when he shifted into the form of a giant man.

"Hey, I need a big weapon for when I'm transformed," he brought up the subject to his surrogate grandfather.

"Like when you're a fox?" Sarutobi asked.

"No, I'm talkin' about when I'm still human, just really big," Naruto explained.

"How big are you talking about?" the aged Hokage questioned.

"I was thinking at about fifteen feet tall, but I still want something that I can use when I go to twenty-five or thirty feet."

"Hmm," The Hokage had to think about that one. What would be a good weapon for Naruto? A sword was always a good choice, but he doubted that enough steel could be forged with sufficient strength to allow Naruto to wield such a weapon while in an enormous human form. Sarutobi remembered that Jiraiya's summons often used large weapons so maybe the toads could be convinced to make the fox boy a sword. It was too bad that Jiraiya was not in the village.

Bludgeoning weapons may be a good choice for the boy turned demon. One of the trees from the forest of death would certainly make a strong club. Even then, the mighty trees were so huge that they could only be wielded as a bo staff if the kitsune was at least fifty feet tall. Although, there were trees of varying size all around Konoha so they could just choose one of the smaller ones.

Thinking about the problem, he realized that the boy couldn't hope to wield the same weapon at his many different height options. Naruto would have to choose a weapon for when he fought as a ten foot tall giant and another when he increased his height to even near twenty feet. He would have to have different sized weapons for any additional increases in size as well in order to wield them properly.

"Naruto, why don't we pick out a weapon for when you're about ten feet tall," the Sandaime suggested, "then we can pick out something else for other sizes. You'll only be able to hold the same thing properly within a narrow range of size."

"Okay, do you think I should get a big assed sword commissioned?"

"No. A sword to fit you when you're ten feet tall would push the limits of current metallurgy. It would be near impossible to make a sword that big strong enough to withstand actual use."

"Oh," Naruto frowned. What weapon would suit him?

"How about an axe or a hammer? The heads of those weapons could be made out of metal and still be strong enough and the handles could be made of wood."

"I don't really want one of those. Maybe for when I'm even larger, but for ten feet tall, I'd like something a little more elegant."

The Sandaime had to think about that. Apparently Naruto wanted something flashier than an axe or a war hammer. That pretty much ruled out a cudgel or a pike.

"Maybe a giant pair of nunchuku or tonfa?" The Hokage threw out, "Or perhaps a large kusari-gama?"

The last suggestion struck a chord in Naruto. The idea of a large chain intrigued him. Still, it was not quite what he wanted. He could swing a chain around it didn't really snap like a whip. A whip! That's was what he was looking for. It reminded him of one of his long tails.

"I got it, Old Man!" Naruto exclaimed, "I want huge whip!"

"Hmm," The Hokage pondered, "Are you talking about a chain whip or a leather whip?"

"I'm talking about a leather one and I'll have to make it myself if I want it to be big enough, but I need to know more about whips and maybe get a regular one from a weapons shop before I make my own."

"Alright, here," the Hokage gave Naruto a fair amount of money to purchase what he needed from a weapon's shop, "but I don't know if you are going to find anything about how to make or use that type of whip around here."

"Thanks, Old Man," Naruto said as he headed out of the office.

"I'll be home early tonight so we can go out and get something to eat for dinner," Sarutobi yelled to the boy who was already in the hall. Naruto just raised his hand in response.

* * *

Naruto had to visit three different weapon's shops in the village, disguised as some random chuunin, of course, before he found a leather whip. Nobody really thought of the whip as an effective weapon and the only shop that had it, stocked it just because it was part a collection of eclectic weapons from around the world.

He was not, however, able to find anything on the whip in any scrolls, other than a passing mention. Naruto really wanted to know how to make a whip, but it looked like he would just have to reverse engineer the one he purchased.

Naruto practiced quite a bit with his new whip for about two weeks. Then, he unraveled the plaited leather of the whip in order to find out how to make his own. Once he had noted the construction, he put the whip back together, admittedly a little sloppier than it was to begin with. He did this to practice and also because he didn't want to waste the perfectly good whip.

Throughout his time training with the whip, he realized why it was not seen a viable weapon. While it certainly could cut things, as the end moved faster than the speed of sound, it did not cut very deep. It would be painful, but little more than a nuisance in a full out fight.

Secondly, the whip was really only good at one range. Though its reach seemed advantageous, once someone made it inside of a certain point, the whip became rather harmless. It also required a lot of room to maneuver so it couldn't be used in any tight spaces.

Naruto had some ideas to circumvent these disadvantages and make his whip a viable for combat. Before he concentrated on his final masterpiece, he wanted to make at least one practice whip. He purchased some leather from a shop in the village and cut it into thin strips. Using a rolled up sheet of leather for the belly, the inside of the whip, he continued set upon the tedious process of plaiting the thong, or main part of the whip.

This job took a lot of time and skill but eventually he finished, the hardest part being the recreation of the knots he learned from the store bought whip. He used a thicker piece of leather for the fall, the part of the whip that is more flexible. He ended it with a short length of wire rather than the frayed string of his old one.

All in all, his new whip was several feet longer than his original. When he first tried it, it was ungainly and hard to get moving, let alone crack. He found that increasing his arm length helped in this regard. The wire at the end definitely cut things, but without control it slashed him. He was lucky had the Kyuubi's body, or else he would look like he lost a fight with a blender.

After he tinkered with his creation a little more, he was ready to make his final whip. He decided that he wanted his weapon to be about twenty five feet long so he could use it comfortably when he was ten feet tall.

During his period of experimentation with weapons, Sarutobi had gotten an idea.

"Hey, Naruto," the Hokage said, "Can I have one of your fangs?"

"What?" Naruto was taken aback by the question. "Why would you want that?"

"Well, you always hear stories about swords forged from the fangs of demons, so imagine how strong a sword made from the strongest demon's fang would be."

"…You've been reading too much manga, old man." Naruto deadpanned.

If Naruto didn't know any better, he could have sworn the Hokage blushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Seriously though, your bones are stronger than metal and you regenerate anything anyway, so just let me try something."

Naruto thought it was kind of out there, but hey, he had boiled his own head before. There was really no harm in giving the old man his tooth, so he consented.

The Hokage took Naruto to a secluded spot outside the village and the boy transformed to about a quarter of his full size. Naruto used his giant hand-like paw to tug on one of his large canine teeth, but it would not budge.

In his large form, his body was exceedingly strong. When the Root ANBU cut off his head, he was only able to cut through his neck because Naruto had made his body that weak. To transform into his child form, Naruto imagined how he felt when he still had a human body, thus it was only as strong as a human body.

After fifteen minutes of Sarutobi trying to break his tooth out of his mouth, which hurt like a bitch, they figured out a way to remove the tooth.

Naruto willed every portion of his body, except one fang, to shrink to his normal human size. This resulted in small child sprawled on the ground with a tooth larger than his entire body protruding from his open mouth. From there, it was pretty easy to snap it off.

With that ordeal over, the duo hauled the freakishly large fang to the Sandaime's favorite blacksmith. They had to explain that it was a demon tooth, how they came up with the idea in the first place, and that the Hokage was not going senile. Eventually, the blacksmith swore to keep everything a secret and all traveled to the back of his shop to the forge.

The smith was actually kind of excited because of the chance to work with such a strange material. It definitely seemed like it possessed the properties of steel, although it was more complex than that.

Naruto and the Hokage stuck around as the man put the fang in the coal forge. After fifteen minutes of heating and rapidly working the bellows, the tooth was still as solid as a rock.

Seeing no results, the smith poured his own chakra into the fire, raising the temperature of the flame drastically. This didn't do anything either and they were about to write the whole thing off when the Hokage had an idea.

Naruto poured his youki into the forge and nothing happened at first. After the crimson youki seeped into the coals, the temperature spiked high enough that the group had to take a step back; however, it seemed to do the trick.

Parts of the forge were melting, but the tooth was getting red hot. Working quickly, and wearing protective clothing, the smith removed the tooth from the forge and moved the giant fang over to a large anvil. Using a chisel and hammer, the smith cut off a portion of the tooth metal.

The man put the smaller piece of material back in the forge and set aside the rest of the fang. With the heating problem solved, the smith could shape the material like normal metal so Naruto and the Sandaime left.

After his the boy and old leader went away, the smith started to fold the metal-like bone. He wasn't sure about the properties of the material, but he figured that the folding would give the piece a uniform structure.

Once he was satisfied with the number of folds, he began to shape the piece into a rough outline of a sword. It was a rather short design, as he didn't know the material well and this was basically a test piece. After hours of work, what was once a piece of fang, now resembled a weapon.

The sword was longer than a tonto, but shorter than a wakizashi. It had a slight curve to it, but was straighter than most swords. He was happy with the progress so far, so he set the sword aside and left the shop. It was pretty late, after all that work.

The next morning, when the smith decided to start the long and tedious process of grinding and polishing the sword, he ran into a slight snag. The files and stones used to shape a blade were not equipped to cut the demon bone, so the smith paid the Hokage a visit.

After waiting a short amount of time, the smith was allowed to see the village leader. He told the Hokage of the problem and the old man told him that he would stop by his shop later along with Naruto.

Around lunch time, Naruto and the Hokage arrived and addressed the problem. Since the youki infused coal could heat the fang sufficiently, and melt the forge, Sarutobi mused that a youki infused file could cut into the supernatural material.

Naruto proceeded to "soak" the man's files and stone in crimson energy. Sure enough, this did the trick. The only problem was that the youki charged tools ran out of demon power rather quickly.

In the end, Naruto stayed in the shop while reading a book to keep away the boredom, occasionally charging up the tools so they could cut. If the more weapons were to be made, some sort of seal would have to be placed on the tools to "keep the youki in". Naruto resolved to ask the Hokage about that.

A couple days later, the sword was finished.

* * *

Sarutobi and Naruto were standing inside one of the more remote training grounds of Konoha. The Hokage wanted to test the sword that he had commissioned a few days ago away from prying eyes.

The short sword was finished in a rather standard way. The wrapping on the hilt was reddish brown cord and the tsuba, or guard, was a simple bronze circle. The saya, or sheath, was lacquered wood of similar color to the wrap.

The blade of the sword was much whiter than that of a typical sword. This was obviously due to the fact it was once a bone. This also made the sword very lightweight.

The Hokage swung the blade a few times before testing its cutting power against an unfortunate tree. It might seem impressive that a tree about a foot in diameter was cut in one stroke, but he was the Hokage. He could probably cut through a tree with a spatula.

What was impressive was the cleanness of the cut and the fact that he channeled no chakra into the sword during the stroke.

Next, he did channel chakra into the sword, but before he could make another cut, he was surprised to find that the blade was glowing red.

What surprised him even more was that when he casually swung the glowing sword through the air, an arc of red was released from the blade. The crescent of energy traveled through the air and cut a fair way into the ground.

The Hokage was awestruck, but the mood was ruined when Naruto snidely remarked, "Gee Old Man, maybe you should have yelled out "Wind Scar" before you did that."

"Shut up, boy," Sarutobi grumbled, "you have to admit that was damn impressive."

"Actually," Naruto conceded, "that _was_ pretty amazing. But this is turning out too much like some manga or something."

'Honestly, that was where I got the idea,' the Hokage thought, 'but it is surprising it is so much like it.'

The ability, kenatsu, or sword pressure, was often talked about in folklore and now in children's manga. As common as long range cutting attacks were in fiction, he had never seen it in reality. Sure, there were many ranged jutsu, but all you had to do with this was swing the sword. The ability would be beyond useful and he couldn't help but grin slightly.

* * *

Naruto was working on the final portion of his new whip in the spare room of Sarutobi's house when the old man called to him from the living room.

When he made it to the living room, a little blue blur collided with him and he barely kept himself upright.

"Naruto-itoko!"

After regaining his balance, he picked up the Sandaime's grandson under his armpits and swung him around. The little boy giggled happily as his "cousin" spun him through the air.

"Are you gettin' fat, Kono-chan?" Naruto teased the little boy as he set him down. The child pouted and tried to kick Naruto in the shin, but still smiled when the older boy ruffled his hair.

Ever since Naruto had started living with the Hokage, Konohamaru quickly took a liking to him. The old man had told his grandson that Naruto was a distant cousin. Konohamaru loved visiting his grandfather and his cousin because they always spoiled him.

"Can we go get dango?!"

This visit was no different. The Sandaime smiled at the two boys. He was glad they got along so well. Sarutobi was rather busy so he let Naruto take the younger boy to one of the dango shops in the village.

* * *

Naruto did not appreciate the hostile stares that followed him and Konohamaru. He did not alter his appearance to avoid conflict because that would just confuse the young child. Also, he didn't respond to any of the hostility because he didn't want any confrontations while he was with the boy.

They finally made it to the dango shop that would serve Naruto. This was not due to any kindness on behalf of the proprietors, Naruto had previously threatened him. He only even did this because Konohamaru enjoyed the sweet dumplings so much.

The first time he went into the shop with the boy and realized the owner was going to start something, he had quickly told Konohamaru to wait outside the stand while he talked with the man.

After a few minutes, a confused Konohamaru was receiving dango from a ghostly pale and trembling man. From then on, their visits were without incident.

During this particular visit, Naruto spied a familiar head of purple hair in the dango shop.

* * *

Anko was enjoying the food filled with her namesake when she noticed Naruto enter the shop with a brown haired boy. She had not seen him for a couple weeks and she was glad to run into him.

After the duo ordered some dango, they made their way over to the table at which she was sitting.

"Hey, Anko," Naruto greeted cheerfully, "have you ever met my friend, Konohamaru?"

The little boy smiled and waved at her, which she returned.

"Not really," Anko replied, "I've seen him with the Sandaime before, but we haven't ever met." She leaned down until she was eye level with the Hokage's grandson. "Nice ta meetcha, brat!" She told him heartily.

Konohamaru scowled at the 'brat' comment but let it go as he sat down at the table and began to eat his treat.

"So, what have you been up to? Besides babysitting, I mean," Anko asked Naruto.

"Oh, just the usual stuff," replied Naruto, "Nothin' all that important; although, I am just about finished with my new weapon."

"Oooo, I can't wait to see your …_weapon_," Anko said suggestively.

Naruto just looked at her flatly, blushing only minutely. "Anyway, I'll show it to you as soon as I get it done."

All joking aside, Anko was very interested in his handcrafted weapon. She had heard him talk about how he desired something personalized to own fighting style, but he hadn't told her any specifics.

"Well, you know where to find me," the snake summoning kunoichi said, "I gotta run, so I'll see you and the _honorable grandson_ later." She gave a mocking bow and ruffled said grandson's hair before she took off.

Naruto waved to Anko as she left and turned to see Konohamaru with a strange look on his face.

"What's with the funny look?" He asked the boy.

"I just hate that stupid "honorable grandson" thing!"

"She was just joking around with ya."

"I know," said Konohamaru, "but people say it for real all the time and it gets really irritating."

"Well, it ain't the worst thing to be called," Naruto said quietly. Before Konohamaru could ask him what he meant, Naruto snatched his last stick of dango before standing up.

"Let's head on back, little buddy."

* * *

After Konohamaru went home, Naruto spent the rest of the day working on his whip. In the morning he finished his weapon and set out to test it. He wanted to be able to use it adequately before he showed Anko or the Sandaime.

The rest of his day was spent in the clearing in the Forest of Death that he first stayed in when he was stuck as a giant fox. When he finally went home, he couldn't hide his pride and excitement from the Hokage.

The old man asked him what he was so happy about, but all Naruto would say was, "You'll see."

He got Anko the next day and they both convinced the Hokage to take a break and see the fruits of all Naruto's labor. He took them to a different clearing than the one in which he earlier practiced so that they couldn't see the damage his weapon caused. He wanted it to be a surprise.

Once he told them to stay about fifty feet away, he took off all his clothes, accompanied by a wolf whistle from Anko, and shifted into an eleven foot tall human. He then put on a makeshift loin cloth because even if Anko enjoyed looking, the Sandaime didn't.

Finally, he ducked behind a tree to retrieve his finished whip that he stashed there earlier. When he came back into view, the two watching gaped at the sight of the weapon. It looked like something out of a nightmare.

The whip was over twenty five long and ended in one of Naruto's wire-like fox hairs. The thong of the whip was made out of braided red leather, was about as thick as a man's thigh at the handle, and tapered down till the end.

What made the whip unique, other than its size, were the sets of sharp bone spikes that protruded out of its circumference at right angles all down the length of the thong. Each set of spikes was spaced about eight inches away from another and consisted of eight spikes in a star formation.

The spikes themselves were shaped like the teeth on a backsaw. They were sharper on the back edge so that they would cut when the whip was pulled back. The spikes were largest at the base of the thong, almost six inches out of the leather of the whip, and got smaller toward the fall.

To top it all off, the skull of Naruto's previous head was attached to the end of the handle. The weapon looked truly wicked.

The Hokage and Anko were almost startled when Naruto started to swing the whip. The giant man started swinging it gently at first, but then he quickly changed directions and the whip lurched forward. The noise it made at the end of its travel sounded more like thunder than the traditional crack.

Then, Naruto turned his sight on an unfortunate tree. The whip snaked out and wrapped around the tree. With a great heave the whip returned to Naruto and revealed the damage done. The tree was completely shredded around its base and after a few seconds toppled over.

Anko and Sarutobi winced thinking about what that thing would do to a person.

"I got one more trick for ya," said Naruto before channeling his youki into his weapon. A bright, orange-red flame slowly covered the whip and before long, it looked like a bonfire.

When he cracked it this time, the flame leapt from the whip and rapidly expanded into a large fireball.

"That was so fuckin' cool!" Anko yelled after she got over her shock. She ran up to him and tried to hug him, but only really succeeded in hugging his leg. "How the hell did you make that thing," she asked. The Sandaime was also interested.

"Well, I got the idea from the old man's manga inspired sword," the Hokage looked away, slightly embarrassed and Naruto continued, "I figured if my teeth make badass swords, my tail would make a badass whip. So, I just willed spikes to form in my tail and then cut it off. I use a large bone for a handle and I tanned and died my hide for the plaited leather. I had to add my youki to the chemicals and dye in order for it to work, but it turned out really well. The fall is one of my thick hairs so it cuts when I snap the whip. I finished it up with my skull just for looks."

"That sounds like a pretty gruesome process," said the Hokage. Though, he was wondering why the whip caught on fire instead of throwing out crescent blades of energy like the sword he had made.

"Yeah," Naruto admitted, "the leather and tail parts hurt like a bitch."

"Ohhh," Anko cooed from her position around his leg, which she was rubbing her cheek against, "but my Naru-chan can take a little pain."

Anko then got a little adventurous and lifted Naruto's loincloth aside. Her eyes widened and she unconsciously licked her lips. She moved her hand to touch his giant…

"Anko!" the Hokage yelled, still mindful of Naruto's young age, "Down girl!"

* * *

_I know not much happened in this chapter, and that might be why I had such a hard time writing it, but there were some things in here that had to be said for the sake of the plot._

_Anyway, as an apology, here's a small omake. There are spoilers for chapter 366 and onward, so be careful if you only watch the anime._

**The Fall of the Akatsuki**

The members of the Red Dawn were some of the most powerful people in the world and were very close to there goal of world domination. They had acquired most of the nine Bijuu and had built up quite the sum of money. They also had influence in many governments and they controlled a few small countries.

One might think that they could only be defeated by an idealistic young hero with unreal power or the coalition of several warrior nations but they would be wrong.

No, the Akatsuki were defeated by a hodgepodge of average ninja and civilians. How could this happen, you might ask. The answer is simple.

They killed the Toad Sage, Jiraiya.

This was quite possibly the stupidest thing someone could do. Jiraiya was, without a doubt, the most beloved person on the continent. Hell, the man was allowed into Iwakagure, even having played a major part in their defeat in more than one major war.

People underestimated the number of people who read his books. In fact, there were more copies of Icha Icha Paradise sold than the sum of all existing religious texts combined.

And what did Jiraiya do with the massive profits from all his book sales. He donated all of it to charity. Almost all of the orphanages in the elemental nations were funded entirely by Jiraiya.

The Toad Sage's seal work was also used in many parts of a modern society's infrastructure. City electrical systems, plumbing, and many manufacturing processes benefited from Jiraiya's work.

Despite his lecherous ways, Jiraiya was otherwise big on women's rights. It was almost a continent wide joke about how he peeked on women. They were really alright with it, after beating the hell out of him of course.

So, with Jiraiya being a relative saint, the population at large was understandably upset when he was killed.

Within a month of Jiraiya's death, the largest force ever assembled marched on Amekagure. Multiple bodies, strange powers, doujutsu, and even immortality didn't mean much against such a force.

The prophecy that was foretold to Jiraiya when he was younger did come true. His student did bring peace to the world, though not through stopping a world domination plot. Jiraiya did that unknowingly.

Also, Naruto was not the prophesized pupil who would change the elemental nations. Pein was. By killing Jiraiya, he united the continent against him. After obliterating the Akatsuki, everyone just tried to get along in memory of Jiraiya.

They made love, not war. Dirty, hardcore love. Just like what Jiraiya would have wanted.

The End

_I can't believe that Kishimoto killed off such an awesome character. The fact that Sasuke is still alive while Jiraiya is dead is a fucking atrocity. In fact, I might have Jiraiya kill Sasuke in my story. I've never seen that in any fan fiction._

_Please review!_


	9. Flight of the Tengu

_Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I know it sucks. I basically had to choose between getting my grades up and everything else in my life. I need a good job to support my drug addiction._

_I found out that the Hokage's given name was Hiruzen. I guess it was revealed in some fan book or something. It would have been nice to know this earlier, damn it!_

_This chapter isn't really important to the plot, but hopefully it doesn't suck too bad._

* * *

It had been six months after Naruto started making weapons out of his own body and it was the summer of his tenth year. The weather in Fire Country was exactly how one would expect. Sweltering.

Nothing major had happened lately and it gave Naruto the chance to relax and work on any projects or training that he wanted.

A new Icha Icha Paradise novel was recently released and he and Anko were some of the first in line at the store. They were beaten, of course, by a silver haired jounin with one visible eye.

He and Anko both got a copy of the new addition, but they read it together because it was more fun. They didn't act anything out from the book because Naruto was still too young, but they had a good time giggling like perverted idiots and laughing at the humorous parts. The Icha Icha books weren't all sex scenes and a lot of the scenes were pretty funny.

Naruto spent some time practicing martial arts and sparring with Anko or the Sandaime, the former more than the latter. She showed him some of the snake-like style that she learned from her now hated ex-sensei.

Anko had told Naruto about how Orochimaru had given her the curse seal and abandoned her. She didn't break down and cry or want his pity; she was too proud and tough to do something like that. When speaking about those circumstances; though, Naruto could tell that she was upset.

The village at large had scorned her because of her association with the Leaf's most hated traitor. Whereas Naruto got most of the flak from civilians, Anko's problems came from the ninja forces. They didn't attack her, but they were wary of her and tended to keep their distance. It hurt her that her comrades had so little faith in her.

Getting close to Naruto and the Hokage was the greatest thing to happen to Anko in a long time.

* * *

The Sandaime had a bit of a conundrum. The Chuunin Exams were being held this year in the Hidden Cloud village. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but a Konoha ninja had made it to the final rounds.

The standard protocol for foreign exams was to send an obligatory team or two, but never anyone valuable. It was mostly a sign of good will. People didn't expect ninja from other villages to do well in the Chuunin Exams.

This was because the majority of ninja in the exam would be from the home village and they tended to target the visiting chuunin hopefuls. In any case, the exams were used to showcase the power of the village hosting them and unless there was some exceptionally strong foreign ninja participating, they didn't tend to make it to the finals.

In this instance, an unexceptional ninja from an unexceptional team just happened to get lucky and make it to the final round. The problem that arose from this is that it was generally seen as proper that the genin's respective Kage be present to observe the match.

It was a huge pain in the ass to try and get everything set up. You had to get clearance at every level, travel rights, blah blah blah, etc. It was no fun.

Then, the Hokage had an idea. He could cut down on the red tape if he didn't have some huge entourage. He wouldn't have to haggle with the council about allocution of forces. He wouldn't have to register all of his forces with the lightning country officials.

The reason he usually had to go to such lengths was because it would be foolish to enter potential enemy territory without a force strong enough to protect him. Now, he had Naruto. The boy had said he would be his assistant or body guard, so it was time for him to earn his keep.

* * *

After a few days of travel, Naruto and the Hokage were nearing the Village Hidden in the Clouds. With a few miles to go, Naruto asked the Hokage to stop and he went off behind some trees. Sarutobi just thought he had to go to the bathroom, but when he came back, his appearance left the old man stunned.

Naruto was just a little shy of eight feet tall. His weight was somewhere between four and five hundred pounds due partially to the height and the rest because of his rather large gut.

His skin color was a cross between black and purple. Two white feather wings protruded from his back, but they were comical and useless. They were very small, spanning about a foot and a half each, so they were not able to provide any lift to his massive body.

Naruto's nose was at the other end of the spectrum. It was extremely large, even for his giant form, stretching six inches from his face. He had medium length white hair that was combed back and a huge bushy beard, complete with mustache. To top it off, he had a stupid look on his face.

He wore a purple kimono with white rope decorations and four large ridiculous looking puff balls around the collar. His grey hakama were tied off below the knee. The outfit was completed by a pair of wooden geta with a single tooth that raised him seven inches off the ground.

A katana was tucked into his obi along with a gourd filled with sake. All in all, Naruto looked like the textbook tengu. Coincidentally, he did base his appearance off a textbook illustration.

Out of all the mythological creatures in the elemental countries, the tengu was the most revered. Naruto didn't really know why, he thought they were stupid looking. Besides, when was the last time a tengu did something for him?

Everyone else; though, seemed to have a hard for the legendary mountain men. Ninja especially viewed the tengu a somewhat of a deity. So, Naruto decided to fuck with the good people of Cloud by pretending to be a big, stupid tengu.

The Sandaime was about to tell Naruto that there was no way in hell he would allow him to walk into the Cloud village looking like that, but then he just thought, 'Fuck it!' Hopefully this wouldn't cause some international incident. Even if it did, he would just make Naruto go to war with Hidden Cloud by himself.

* * *

The Raikage, along with a delegation of village council members and a troupe of highly skilled ninja, awaited the Hokage at the gates to the village. The village itself was situated high up on the side of a rather large mountain. This was, of course, how the village got its name, as the high altitude often put the village in cloud cover.

The high altitude also allowed them a good view of the roads that approach the village, so when a sentry saw the Hokage approaching, the Raikage was notified and went out to welcome him.

The leader of Kumo thought it rather strange that the Professor would come to his village alone. The Hidden Leaf and Hidden Cloud were definitely not on the best of terms after recent conflicts and then the Hyuga incident. The old man was either very brave or very stupid.

He had to cut his musings short as the Hokage finally made it to the gates.

"Greetings, Hokage-dono. It is a pleasure to have you in our village."

"Thank you, Raikage-dono. If only your village was a little lower to the ground. My old bones are aching after that climb," the Hokage laughed. He always tried to play up the kindly old man image.

"I'm sure it was not so difficult for the God of Shinobi," said the Raikage, "though I am surprised that you made the trip alone. The roads can sometimes be hazardous." Indeed, the Raikage was contemplating having the old man killed because there would be no witnesses.

"Oh I'm far too old to make the trip by myself," the Hokage chuckled, "I was accompanied by my friend. He's just a little shy. Why don't you come on out?"

There was a small poof of next to the Hokage, but not of the standard ninja smoke. Dirty white feathers seemed to pop out of nowhere and flitter about. Everyone tensed and prepared for some sort of attack, but when the feathers cleared, many dropped there weapons or fell on their asses.

"Gyuuuuuuuuuu!" Naruto announced his arrival. The Hokage felt like slapping his own forehead but remained composed.

"Hokage-dono, i-is that a…" the Raikage stuttered.

"Yes," the Hokage answered as if this was all perfectly normal, "this is my traveling companion, and hopefully my friend, the tengu." His kind old smile was great for making even experienced ninja and diplomats stop asking questions. Grandpa knows best, bitch!

Naruto spun around in a circle before ending with another enthusiastic, "Gyuuuuuu!"

The Hokage was fighting to keep from laughing at this point… or crying.

"Well, come in, come in," the Raikage tried to regain some semblance of composure. After discretely checking for some genjutsu, as it wouldn't do to offend the Tengu or the Hokage, he turned to the still stunned crowd. "Make way for our most esteemed guests!" People began rushing about trying to prepare things to impress the tengu.

Sarutobi knew he would be drinking a lot during his visit.

* * *

They were led to their quarters, which were, of course, completely and utterly bugged. Despite that, the accommodations were quite nice. Hiruzen and Naruto were given separate suites.

A combination of Naruto's unwieldy size and impossibly tall single toothed geta contributed to the partial demolition of his room rather quickly. Naruto had decided to be as obnoxious as possible while still garnering the awe of the village he was visiting.

When ninja visited other villages, it was usually an uncomfortable experience for all involved. To limit this unpleasantness, the time spent in the foreign village was kept to a minimum. Pursuant to this, Sarutobi and Naruto's visit consisted of only one day. They arrived in the morning, were scheduled to eat lunch with the village leaders, would watch the chuunin exam in the afternoon, and depart in the evening with the team from Konoha.

The rooms were provided so that Hiruzen could "freshen up" and meet with the shinobi under his command. An hour and fifteen minutes before midday, the genin team led by Tanaka Hotei arrived at the Hokage's quarters.

Hotei was a man in his late twenties or early thirties. He had gelled black hair and wore baggy white clothes in the traditional Edo style. His genin consisted of two girls and one boy, the boy being the one to make it to the final rounds of the exam.

One of the girls, Moka or Mako or something like that (Naruto wasn't really paying attention), was pouting. She contended that the exams were somehow sexist, and for that reason her teammate had won out over his equally talented, or more so, teammates.

The other girl, who was by far the largest member on the team and who looked like someone you didn't want to meet in a dark alley, was surprising amiable about the whole situation.

It was easily seen that the boy was nervous, but he didn't appear to be overly afraid. He was of moderate height with brown hair and eyes. Everything about him just screamed average.

The genin were each around fifteen years old, which was apparently the average age for chuunin exam candidates.

After the initial pleasantries and talk about the exam, the jounin ventured, "Hokage-sama, there have been rumors that you were in the company of a tengu. Is this so?"

Sarutobi resisted the groan that tried to escape. "This is true. Tobi!" The Hokage made up the name on the spot. "Please come here. There are some people from my village I would like you to meet."

Naruto, who loved the whole Tobi the Tengu thing, lumbered into view of the team in all his purple glory. "Gyuuu!" The team politely bowed to the legendary creature.

Naruto returned their bow with a curtsey. Then, he clacked over on his wooden shoes to inspect the team more closely. First he bent down until he was uncomfortably close and stared into the jounin's eyes. When he was starting to sweat, Naruto gave a quick "Gyu!", a nod, and was on his way.

He sniffed the smaller girl, making her blush in embarrassment. To the larger girl, he gave the doorknob which he accidentally broke off a few minutes earlier. He pinched the cheek of the boy, gave a wheezing chuckle that was heaving on the "G" sounds, and then finally a pat on the back that caused the boy to stumble.

Naruto stood back from the genin team. He put his finger in his mouth and then flicked it out quickly causing a popping noise. Then, he walked away.

The team stood there for a few minutes, all with nonplussed looks upon their faces. Eventually, they looked to their Hokage.

"Uhh... he says good luck?"

* * *

Before the matches, the Hokage and Naruto as Tobi the Tengu were invited to a luncheon with the leaders of the Cloud village.

Meetings between leading shinobi were distinctly different than meetings between other diplomats. Shinobi are notable for using poison, so eating was a strange affair. Instead of a banquet prepared by a foreign cook in the payroll of a hostile village, both parties provided their own food. Usually, this was a simple bento box. Shinobi were not known for their opulence.

Naruto had a corn dog.

A relatively young kunoichi named Nii Yugito was present as a guard to the Raikage, but was also there in order to inspect the Tengu. The Raikage was pretty sure there wasn't a genjutsu, but he wanted to know more about this strange situation.

Yugito's unique situation as a Jinchuuriki gave her some insight into the supernatural. She was able to determine that the tengu was not a summon, and was, in fact, a supernatural being. She based this upon the feel of his energy.

"I met Tobi up in the mountains while I was fishing." Hiruzen was explaining. Old people like fishing, no need to ask grandpa anymore questions.

"Fascinating, Sarutobi-dono," said the Raikage. "Pray tell, how do you communicate with Tobi-dono?" Even the –dono now? Sheesh!

"I am not quite sure about this, myself," Sarutobi admitted (truthfully), "Perhaps since my summoned monkeys are almost human…" Hiruzen trailed off because he was talking out his ass.

Naruto, actually paying attention to the conversation, used another kitsune illusion to talk to the Hokage. To everyone else, it sounded like the same irritating "Gyuu!" noise.

"The tengu says that I am able to understand him due to my great respect for nature," relayed the Sandaime. In actuality, the words Naruto used were "great lust for trees".

"Oh," the Raikage realized the Sarutobi could act as a translator of sorts, "I'd be interested to know what life is like for one such as yourself."

"Pretty solitary, actually," came the response translated response, "I mostly protect woodland creatures, care for the forest, and as a hobby, I like to press wild flowers."

"What of the other tengu? Is there not some sort of community or village?"

"No, not really." Naruto had actually said that the tengu tended to congregate around supple young boys. Hiruzen thought it prudent to leave this portion out.

* * *

The Hokage and the Raikage ventured to the stadium in which the final round of the Chuunin Exams would be held. It was not as magnificent as the stadium in Konoha, mainly due to space constraints and a surprisingly strict zoning board, but it was still big enough to house most of the population of Hidden Cloud and many foreign visitors.

The seating area for the venerable leaders was situated above most of the stadium, about four fifths of the way up the side. While the general populace was seated in relatively comfortable bench seats, with a few sections of folding chair type seats equipped with arm rests for the "more important" members of the audience, the Kage's box was a sort of dais that jutted out about fifteen feet. Throne like chairs were situated on this flat stage, with the Raikage's being just a tad nicer, of course.

The area for the actual competition resembled any other exam area used in any other hidden village. Different terrain and environments were placed randomly in the arena, the eclectic mix designed to give an advantage to no candidate. That being said, the rocky plains that were prevalent in lightning country seemed to make a particularly strong showing. The lone tree placed off to one side could seem mocking if one were to read into the not so subtle political muscle flexing.

Hiruzen chose to ignore the favoritism. Everyone did roughly the same thing when they hosted the exams. Plus, the open field design was better suited to the crowd's bloodlust. Actual shinobi combat, consisting of stealth, subterfuge, and combat times under three seconds did not make for good entertainment. In this situation, flashy techniques and dramatic posing was more likely to catch the eye of most prospective customers and various minor lords.

He and the Raikage were some of the last to enter the stadium and the seats were already packed with the excited masses. Directly above the Kage box, the various bodyguards for the Cloud village leader were assembled. Two that stood out were a severe young blond with braided pony tails and a large dark skinned man with a mustache. Accompanying them was one inebriated tengu. He should have known that Naruto would actually put sake in his gourd.

Come to think of it, could Naruto even get drunk? He didn't think he could, especially on that amount of sake. Then again, the rice wine was often used to appease the spirits and Naruto was essentially an evil spirit… Oh there was no use trying to figure it out. The little bastard was probably faking it.

Now the black man and Naruto were doing curls with a ridiculously large barbell while the hot blonde (he was old, not dead) studiously ignored them. He took a page out of her book and put them out of his mind as well. He took a seat and awaited the beginning of the matches.

A little over five minutes later a jounin walked out into the center of the arena and the audience slowly quieted. The man announced the order of the matches and then called the first chuunin candidates, two boys from Hidden Cloud, down to the combat zone. The two bowed to each other, the referee, and the Raikage. The jounin referee chopped his hand through the air swiftly, signaling the start of the fight, and the jumped away.

Both boys immediately jumped back a respectable distance and eyed each other warily. One tried to start a chain of hand seals, but was interrupted by a kunai thrown by the other genin, who followed behind the kunai. There followed some taijutsu combat and eventually one of them got off a low level lightning jutsu, but by this point, the Hokage had stopped caring. He was sure they were some of the finest genin in the elemental countries, but still, it was rather boring. Hiruzen still paid some attention, he just wasn't enraptured.

The Raikage was probably similarly inclined, but for the sake of propriety, had to appear enthused. If Sarutobi didn't think it would look bad, he would get up and find one of the food stall whose aroma permeated the stadium.

The match finally concluded with one of the little shits trapping the other in first some wire and the then a submission hold.

After a five minute interlude, the next match began. This was the match that included the genin from Konoha. During the "random" drawing for the match ups, the Konoha boy was inexplicably paired against the genin from Cloud who was heavily favored to win the whole competition.

Despite the obvious desire from the Cloudies for the humiliation of the boy with a quick knock out, the match lasted a respectable amount of time. At least long enough for the audience to get into it.

The boy was obviously outmatched, but he knew it and kept trying to at least show off his skills to the judges. Of course, the judges from Cloud would sooner eat shit than promote someone from Konoha.

The match ended when the boy from the Leaf took some kind of electrified senbon to the shoulder. The judge called the match before too much damage was done. This was a benefit of having your Kage watch the matches. The other village was less likely to kill you, at least blatantly.

There was some polite applause for the genin by the audience. Sarutobi himself caught the Konoha boy's eye and nodded. This seemed to lift his spirits somewhat.

The rest of the matches continued in the same boring way. Although, one overenthusiastic genin's excessive use of explosive tags was rather entertaining. In the end, it was not the favorite who won the final, but rather a talented dark skinned kunoichi from Cloud.

* * *

As Naruto and Hiruzen were leaving the Village Hidden in the Clouds with the Konoha genin team, the Raikage and his entourage saw them out at the gates.

The leader of Kumo thanked them for their participation in the chuunin exams. He was sorry that no one from Konoha was promoted. He also told the honorable tengu that he was of course welcome to drop by Hidden Cloud for a visit.

Naruto spun around in a circle and threw some glitter in the air.

Sarutobi gasped, "The tengu blessing!" It seemed like the right thing to say.

The Raikage had a pleased look in his eyes upon hearing that. Sarutobi later told Naruto that was the gayest thing he had ever seen. Guy and Lee's spandex hugs had not yet occurred.

With that, they set off.

* * *

Sarutobi had excused the genin team to return ahead of them, citing that his old bones couldn't keep up the pace of impatient genin. He even said that he would allow them to stop by one of the resort towns on the way home as a reward for their performance in the chuunin exam.

Once the team was a few miles away and the Hokage was assured there was no one around, he turned and slapped the humongous tengu.

"Hey, old man!" Naruto changed back to his normal appearance. "What the hell?!"

"You little shit! Do you know how much trouble you could have caused?" Hiruzen yelled.

"Oh, come on!" Naruto regained his bluster, "You thought it was funny, too!"

The Sandaime huffed and walked away, head held high. Naruto scrambled to catch up.

"I know you did! I can see the smirk on your face, you liar."

"Nope!"

"I can see it! Right there!"

"Nope!"

"I'm gonna break your hip, you old geezer. Get over here!"

"Nope!"

* * *

_The appearance of the tengu is based off of the Evil Tengu from Dead or Alive: Unreal Tournament. It's been quite some time since I've played that game, so I might have imagined that stupid "Gyuu" noise it made. Did you notice that there are a lot of tengu statues in the Naruto-verse? There were some on the hidden Uchia things and some on the Fire Temple. Perhaps Naruto believes there should be more kitsune worship, instead?_

_I had the current Raikage in the manga as just one of the top Cloud jounin in this chapter. Also, Yugito would be pretty young in the current timeline._

_Finally, what the hell is going on in the manga?! Everybody and their fucking brother has a sharingan now! If someone has one, they automatically become super awesome_

_Damn, this took forever!_


End file.
